Time is slipping by [Goals before the end of 2017]

Hello, it’s been a while, but as you already know I am a pathetic excuse of a blogger so no surprise there. I have also already failed at Blogmas, but also so very expected of me, because I have about 50 half written drafts that I think aren’t good enough, so I abandon them. I am, however, putting a lot of my energy into something SECRET that I CAN’T TELL YOU ABOUT.

What else is new with me? I am currently experiencing my first ever migraine as a result of a huge life decision I’ve made, I finally had my hair trimmed so I no longer rip it out of my head when I sit down (s/o Slop), and I smashed my phone screen because I’m an idiot. I also went the Scandinavian Christmas Market, post pending. But in a nutshell, I’m living both ends of the spectrum and nothing in between. It’s a gamble. Will tomorrow be unbelievably great, or unbelievably shit? Will I ruin my own life again and wallow in self pity, or will my serotonin give me a refreshing slap in the face? Who knows.

But whatever, enough about me. Here are my December goals. Haha, get it? My head hurts.

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Controversial opinon: Religion [Shitpost]

Something this depraved is not a product of a loving god.

I’m gonna talk about religion; not just about my religion specifically, so I don’t want anybody in the comments asking me why I’m not condemning ISIS. That ain’t my job, bish. I’m talking about religion generally: the whole concept of God, of divine books, of the afterlife.

I am struggling with religion.

Haram police, look away, because I’m about to reveal something: sometimes I wish I was Atheist. The complete hecking truth is that sometimes I wish that I could believe in nothing. I wish I believed that once we die, we’re just left to rot in the ground and turn into fertiliser because that makes everything so much easier. But I can’t. I wish I could be left to my own devices and know that everything I’m doing is a product of my own decisions and who I’ve grown into, but I can’t. I know that I’m living based on a book, based on a religion that I so strongly believe in that I couldn’t escape if I wanted to. I so strongly believe in it, yet I don’t follow it completely. I hate feeling like I’m scared to die simply because of what happens afterwards. Death itself doesn’t bother me. I’d have probably killed myself a long time ago if it wasn’t a straight ticket to hell, so I guess I gotta thank religion for that.

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I like the feeling you give me baby [What I’m listening to]

‘What is music, k? I can’t believe the shitty songs that people are coming out with now, what can I do? Help me, what is a Little Mix??? Why are my ears bleeding???????’

Say no more fam, I got you. We don’t listen to Little Mix ’round here.

As you’ve hopefully gathered, I’m usually always listening to at least one James Bay song at all times, but I’m not right now because I’m angry at him. I can’t deal with the new hair and style so we’re on a break. Feel like I don’t even know him anymore. Sob. We’re teetering on the edge here, James, sort it or lose me forever.

I actually have a couple posts lined up for the coming weeks, so rest assured you’ll have regular updates of my bullshit mind. Maybe. Probably not. I’ve been getting up early like a good pawn-of-capitalism in training and slaving away in the library, being productive. It’s draining, but going home after a day of getting shit done is one of the best feelings (next to having a sore butt after leg day and slowly noticing the effect it’s having on your hamstrings). Also, why did nobody tell me about Cutthroat Kitchen??? THAT’S THE TYPE OF TV I AM HERE FOR. I haven’t watched Come Dine with Me in ages, who even am I anymore?

Anyway, here’s your monthly mix, courtesy of yours truly.  x

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Don’t lose any sleep tonight [Your end of 2017 goals]

Right so I was actually gonna write another ginormous shitpost but I didn’t know if that’d be a good idea, so I wrote this instead. Not as ~juicy~ (I hate that idiot word too), but PROBABLY MORE USEFUL. I dunno, maybe you enjoy reading about me being a crybaby? Let me know x

Anyway. You know what I love doing? Helping people when I’m trying to sort my own shit out. Need an ego boost? I’m here, you fucking beautiful non-snowflake. Need a pep talk? I’m your man, let’s get your shit together. Think you’re being a cunt? You probably are, let’s figure out what you’re doing wrong.

I thought about telling tell you my own end of year goals, but who cares about me, right??? Instead, I’ve used my time to SELFLESSLY compile a list that you, yes you personally, should make your end of year goals. Gawd, the things I do for this shitty ass blog.

There’s basically just a month and a half left of 2017. Gasp. Yes, I know, time is a man made concept. ‘New year new me’ is some bullshit. But I think we can all agree that there is a certain catharsis that comes with the end of a year, with a brand new calendar.

Without further ado.

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The Versatile Blogger Award

Yes, you read that right. All that time spent indoors and trying to create a semblance of an online presence. God loves ugly x

Sooooo I was nominated by Abbie (who is so hecking nice, follow her on everything right now) for the Versatile Blogger Award and seeing that made me go ‘!!!!!’.

I’m really, really picky with everything in life. Just like generally. I’m picky with what I wear, with who I talk to, with the movies I watch. I’m not picky with food tho. Don’t ever ask me where I want to eat because I don’t know!!! I DON’T KNOW!!!!! I AM A FAT GANNET I’LL EAT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

I am also picky with the things that I read; if I don’t like the writing style or the content is too uniform and boring, I’ll just never visit that blog again. Soz. So listen to me when I tell you to check out Abbie’s blog: I love her writing style and really look forward to reading what she posts next. I’m probably gonna have a go at those body scrubs cos ain’t nobody got time to throw £500 at Lush.

I never knew about the ‘blogger community’ until Twitter, and I’ve learnt that this is one that involves support and positivity. It’s so much nicer than catty, bitchy competitiveness that you see everywhere (amongst girls, really). Hopefully more guys get into blogging; it’s cooler than you think. Everyone is cool. Nobody tears anybody down. And that’s exactly what this award about. I suppose I’m a ‘versatile’ blogger in that I’m a dumb idiot who doesn’t have a theme and instead vomits out all the shit that lies in my head. Oops.

Anyway. So I gotta give you seven facts about myself. This is “let’s go around the room and say something interesting about ourselves”, isn’t it? Alright.

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Eleven movies you need to watch before you die

Haha, Eleven, get it, because I still haven’t watched season 2 of Stranger Things.

Winter is upon us, (yes, Winter, because it’s getting really cold really fast) and it is thus time to break out the fat socks and double up your duvets. Yes, you can choose to stay in on a Friday night and not feel guilty about it. Yes, you can get out of bed at 12pm on Sunday and get back in at 8pm. Yes, it is time to eat a doner kebab and go straight to bed.

What can I do on a Friday night, k, if I’m not going out clubbing?‘ you ask? Well, friends, here is where I arrive in my usual grandiose style and hand you a list of the best movies ever made. I urge you to steadily make your way through these, savour every single minute, and finally present to me a 1,000 word essay on what you liked and didn’t like.

We don’t know when our last days are, so get cracking please x
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Wear my scars like the rings on a pimp [8 Important life lessons]

I haven’t watched the new episode of the Walking Dead yet, so if I see any spoilers I will punch you in the face.

Welcome to another shitpost.

With 2017 coming to an end, I started thinking about shit that I’ve learnt, things that I want to keep on board throughout the next year. Things that I think everybody should follow. Everyone has shitty days, some more than others, and I wonder how I genuinely still feel kind of okay even during those times – how anybody does. Honestly, it’s probably because I know who I am and I know what I want. Whatever shitty times befall you, it’ll pass, even if it takes hours, days or months. It’ll always pass.  Every now and then you’ll find yourself in a tiny moment that makes you feel like everything has the potential to be great. Even something as insignificant as hot IKEA guy.

Anytime I feel like shit, I think ‘What would Dwight do?’ And then I stop feeling like shit. Dwight would not feel like shit. Dwight doesn’t wallow in self pity. Be Dwight, always.

Anyway, I’m gonna stop rambling and tell you the most important things I’ve learnt. This time I’ve even made it a little more attractive and coherent by bolding the headings; learn to be more considerate towards others, got it x

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After all you’re not my type [Books I’ll never finish]

I get an influx of followers and then writers block decides to hit me bad! Amazing. But here I am, being the literary person I am and talking about books. Books that I hate. Books that I want to love. Books that I love but can’t finish. As my bookshelf grows, the percentage of unread books increases. And every now and then, my eye will catch a particular novel that I’ve tried, tried, and tried again to read, and just couldn’t. It haunts me.

Let’s talk about my bedroom for a sec. Oo er. I had books spilling out of my cupboard, falling off my desk, on the floor, in the corner, under the bed. Everywhere. Since then a lot of them have been moved to a sickasfrick bookshelf, which means I have more space for when I buy more books that I don’t intend to ever read!

I’ll show you my setup one day. It’s pretty weird for a blogger. No minimalism, no clean fresh look, no millennial pink. No candles, succulents, or quotes. Just a poster of Senna and a framed Patrick Bateman. That’s me. An improvement after a wall plastered with Kerrang and Metal Hammer pages, and various posters from HMV and Camden Market. But I digress. Again. Here are a bunch of books I’ve never been able to finish; please bear in mind that I am a Chuck Palahniuk girl through and through, so cut me some slack when I’m unable to finish a romance. Thanks, let’s begin x
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But that doesn’t make it any easier to get through [shitpost]

Hey.

Welcome to my night time, coffee-fuelled shit talking post. I haven’t done one of these in a while, but if you’re new to my blog, know that these are probably the most honest and raw posts I’ll ever write. That’s why they’re rare. Sometimes it’s in the form of poetry, other times, like now, it’s just word vomit. I don’t edit these. It’s the time where I’m wired but also tired, and when I’m listening to my night time songs.

Alright

One weird thing I’ve been called is ‘strong’. Strong because I can let things go, strong because I can stand by my beliefs, strong because I don’t fall for every guy that talks to me. I don’t know. I don’t know if I like being called strong, because there are certain expectations that come with that label. Am I allowed to cry? Am I allowed to fight for a guy who doesn’t give a shit? Am I allowed to have panic attacks? Am I allowed to be too nervous to walk into a crowded place sometimes?

Because I do all of those things too. And sometimes, that label gets in the way.

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Falling for you somehow, Autumn

I think the daddy longlegs have finally disappeared, but I don’t wanna speak too soon so hopefully they can’t read.

I hate to be another lifestyle blogger talking about Autumn, but I can’t help it. I wait the entire year just for this season.

There are just some things about Autumn that make you feel calm, comfortable, and less angry about life. Everything desaturates, the air is clearer, the leaves fall orange on patchy grass, the sun is less intense so you can actually see the road ahead. It’s the season of chilling the heck out, slowing everything right down and re-evaluating your life. Autumn is comfort. Autumn is me having Blossom on repeat because it’s the best album of 2017 and I have a newfound love for it this season.

But I digress. I have a bad habit of getting deep and philosophical about things the way I just did. Time to get right into the good stuff, and what I believe are the best things about Autumn.

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