Every line in your palm [June Journal]

13/06/2017

Today’s prompt: What is home?

Home is walking through the doors and leaving all pressures, all standards and requirements at the entrance. It’s being free from prying eyes and worrying if you’ve accidentally pulled your socks over your leggings. It’s being free from dreading another human being talking to you or asking you a question when you’re just trying to get home please leave me alone.

It’s taking off your hijab, it’s taking off any fancy clothes, it’s taking off the uncomfortable shoes and it’s changing into baggy sweatpants and a hole-ridden hoodie. It’s giving yourself a head massage and tying your hair back up, washing your face of grime and pollution and freeing yourself from the worry that there’s lipstick on your teeth, or that your foundation is sliding off.

It’s grabbing all the snacks you can find and falling down onto the sofa in a blanket. It’s turning on the tv and watching cartoons whilst stuffing your face with sausage rolls, crisps and yoghurt after a day of carrying yourself with an air of dignified wisdom. It’s whinging, howling with laughter and burping out loud after a day of stifling your sneezes and being careful not to laugh too loud.

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To do and not to do – Ramadan

I’m salivating in my misery too.

Oh yeah, in said misery, I forgot to say it’s Ramadan…

I’ve noticed a few people have been reading this old Ramadan post that I wrote last year, so I should really come back with another one. The problem is, I don’t really have much to add to that post. So, er… Isn’t it weird and beautiful how the weather suddenly took a turn for the cooler/windier/rainier as soon as Ramadan began?

I do have some questions. Why are girls posting snaps of themselves half naked, and snaps from weeks ago from when they were in the club? Wherefore? I don’t know what guys are doing but I’m guessing taking videos of themselves driving in their car with music on? I say that because girls are doing it and guys are even more douchey.

I digress. I’m supposed to be trying to stay positive.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m very lethargic this year. I’m finding it difficult, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the acceptability of snacking at 1am. Once again, I’m losing muscle and fat in the wrong places.

Anyway enough about me, shut up, here are some dos and don’ts:

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Itchy feet for a change of scene [June Journal]

10/06/2017

Today’s prompt: A new thing to try

Starting to work towards a completely new future that I’m not prepared for.

Okay, let’s start small. I realise these posts are just a way to distract myself.

I want to travel. I don’t travel. I have never been anywhere except two family holidays which don’t count because I was young.

 

I wrote a couple of posts before about how important it is to explore the city you’re in, how important it is to build up the friendships you have in those places. Ironically, I didn’t follow those words after that.

But now I can, and I will. I’ll start by fully enjoying London, and then hopefully, unless the political climate worsens, everywhere else in Europe (except France, fuck France). Either with willing friends or by myself. I want to go, just go, I want long weekends in Austria, Sweden, Germany. I’ll even go to Morocco. I just want to get out of this country for a while, this city. I want to get away from all the toxicity around me; I don’t want a fancy hotel and an expensive trip. I just need a flight and somewhere to sleep.

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Shoot a hole in the sky [June Journal – top priorities]

9/06/2017

Today’s prompt: Your top priorities

Today is a shit day. So God’s work is here, telling me that my next prompt means I have to focus on my priorities right now. I don’t have the will to write an interesting introduction either, so let’s get straight to it because life is shit, life is shit.

Physical health
I want to get my sleeping pattern back in check, I want to eat properly and I want to train even more and even harder than I used to. Once you’ve passed your teens it is vital to look after your health – you can’t keep staying up late snacking and drinking energy drinks. And once you’ve passed a certain age, your metabolism slows down dramatically and you get fat and lazy. Basically. So why wait for that age to begin (which is harder to do), when you can get the ball rolling years beforehand?

Financial stability
I’m graduating next month. These past two weeks were supposed to be used for writing cover letters and applying for jobs, but Ramadan has me so lethargic and unless you’re looking for a standard part-time job, you need to focus. I haven’t really decided what I’m doing yet. I had to quit my job and I’ve been a student without income for the past few months, which means for the first time ever I am worried about money and will be struggling for fucks fucking sake.  You have bills to pay and no way to pay them. But it was my own fault. Even though I’m in a shit place and I’m months behind, I guess now I have my degree behind me. On the one hand, I want to kickstart a career. But on the bigger hand I don’t want to kickstart a career. I kinda do want a part time job so that I can get some income to pay for my outgoings whilst I work on something I enjoy. A life in an office isn’t something I want. Continue reading

Your best ain’t good enough [June Journal]

8/06/2017

Today’s prompt: Your best qualities

Oh dang. Time to toot my own horn.

Okay

Let’s do this in list form because it feels more uniform and factual and not like I’m trying to show off.

1] I voted labour
I care. Even if I was a millionaire, I would vote labour. Even if I didn’t care about other people, even if I didn’t need the NHS, even if I didn’t want to be heavily taxed in order to help the poor. I would never want a person like Theresa May making the decisions of this country. And I just wanna say, before this list really begins, if Corbyn doesn’t win, I WILL cry myself to sleep tomorrow night.

2] I’m realist
But I can also be a hopeless romantic. I can be positive in the right situations, but overall I’m a realist. That way I’m never too disappointed. I can be passionate but I can also think logically. And I think that’s the best combination to be. I think I give good advice. I give good advice, right?

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Burning through the sky [June Journal]

7/06/2017

Today’s prompt: The best thing about your day

I’m actually posting this a day late, but it was written yesterday I swear.

It’s going to sound crap, but I had a really good dream. Like a really, really good dream. The kinda dream where you wake up and you’re upset because it’s not real and you’re back at your lame life. The kinda dream where you go back to sleep in a desperate bid to have that dream again because it shows you that YES. EVERYTHING CAN BE PERFECT. IT’S POSSIBLE. IT CAN HAPPEN! OMG! YOU CAN REALLY BE THAT HAPPY IN REAL LIFE!!! Wow!

Before that, though, I had a lucid dream and it wasn’t nearly as good. Bear in mind that a lucid dream is a dream in which I can choose what I do.

This has taught me something important. I had no control over the great dream. I had full control over the lucid dream. Continue reading

VOTE CONSERVATIVE OUT

Hello

So I’m not going to lie, but I feel like the election today will be rigged in favour of the tories. Theresa May staged the London attacks and she WILL rig these elections. That’s who she is.

Nevertheless, they can’t possibly do it if a blinding majority votes the Tories out, right?

If you haven’t yet voted today, please VOTE and vote TACTICALLY.

Everybody is saying vote labour, and yes we WANT labour to win. But in order for that to happen, we must vote the Tories OUT. The only way to do is by voting tactically, which may mean NOT voting for labour. Please visit www.tactical2017.com to find out who you need to vote for in order for Labour to win.

I, too, would feel wrong not voting for Labour but it goes like this. If your area is divided between Conservative and Green Party, you’ll need to vote for Green Party because voting Labour would be a wasted vote! You need to rock the boat AGAINST tories in your area so that they lose. If you live in Twickenham, for example, you need to vote Lib Dem because they are the biggest threat to the Tories, not Labour.

Vote for education, vote for healthcare, vote for the inclusion of the students, the elderly and the disabled.

Don’t let the terrorist supporting, greedy, lying, selfish and idiotic witch Theresa May win. She cut the police, she can’t keep us safe, she can’t help us move forward, she will ruin us. She will ensure that the UK remains a target for terrorism because she FUNDS the very people who support terrorism.

You have until 10pm to change everybody’s future for the better.

This world is only gonna break your heart [June Journal]

6/06/2017

Today’s prompt: Something to remember

That thing: you should never have to convince anybody to give a shit about you.

For so long I had this idea that you could make somebody support you if you just prove to them that you’re worth supporting. Well, no. I thought that if someone doesnt give a shit about you then it’s their loss. But that changes when it’s someone close to you. Friends, family, partners. I used to think that if you just convincingly prove your case, you can make someone give a shit about you.

I used to get frustrated and angry if I wanted a person to be on my side and they just wouldn’t. I was confused and frustrated and hurt. I used to be angry if someone who meant a lot to me was so pressed on being diplomatic, because I wholeheartedly throw diplomacy and logic out the window when it comes to someone that means a lot to me.

I realise I was an idiot.

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Hoping this’ll reach my soul [June Journal]

5/06/2017

I literally just punched in ‘June blog post ideas’ because I’m lame and am pushing myself to be productive whilst forcing my dangerously-close-to-surfacing repressed thoughts to remain repressed, and here we are!

Today’s prompt: The books in your to-read list

Out of all the lists I ever make (and honestly I make more than I care to admit), this is probably my favourite. I am a book hoarder; I have shelves, tv stands, desks and floors full of books. I have books on the end of my bed, and I’m short enough for my feet not to reach them. I have read about 5% of the books I own, and this number decreases because I keep buying more and reading less – the main reason is because I tend to pick up a book and put it down halfway in order to pick up another. I rarely finish a book, even if I absolutely love it, so it’s gotta be special if I actually finish it.

But now that I’ve finished university I am going to FORCE myself to stick to my reading list and read the books cover to cover. I’m serious about this, so I’ve compiled a list that is actually achievable by the end of the year. No, this year I’m not even going to bother trying to read Lolita again (I will, but if I don’t write it down then I don’t feel guilty when I inevitably abandon it). Here we go.

The remaining Harry Potter books
And by that I mean…the next four or something. I like diversity in my reading habits, and you can’t possibly expect me to read all the Harry Potter books in a row when I have to constantly switch up my gum between two flavours. Continue reading

pahvilaatikko

I don’t need a miracle
just a blanket over apathy
and crushing anxiety
a succession of words
and a voice sharp and mean
to slice away the poison settled on my skin

I want something beautiful
amongst trash cans and thunderstorms
just take me home
shake me wide awake
watch the world go by
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