23 things I’ve learned in 23 years

 

I’m so old.

I mean I don’t really care. I feel like I’ve been old for a while now, but it’s so weird finding out that someone is 17 and realising they’re a whole hecking 6 years younger than me. I can’t believe people born in 2000 will be 18 this year, that’s so weird, they’re supposed to be babies??? Now that I’m really rooted in in my 20s, I’m looking at 18 year olds and honestly wondering why they’re all idiots. Was I like that too? Because I hope not. I hear people saying stuff like ‘I’m 32 I’m so old’ and I’m like ??? You’re literally a spring chicken??

I don’t know if I’ve done one of these posts before, which is surprising because I often like to pretend I’m a wise old man who has lived 50 lives. In reality, I don’t have ‘life’ experience, per se. I just like to rant, so here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces can’t deny it can’t pretend that I talk a load of shite.

These past years I, myself, have learnt a few things. I’ve learnt that I CAN socialise. I realise how much of a better person you become after interacting with people from all walks of life. I realised that life is short and we’re all going to die so I don’t worry too much about the future. As long as I’m doing what I want, it can’t go that wrong. I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY GODDAMNIT. And stable. That too. But happy. Let’s begin.

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Got the music in you baby, tell me why [January Playlist]

Here’s another episode of ‘K doesn’t shut the hell up about music, yeah we know it’s a massive part of your life, it’s a massive part of everyones,  you ain’t special.’

Wow, ok. But I did commit to doing a regular monthly playlist, and I will deliver.

Auld Wives – Bear’s Den

Shout out to Wilko for their banging playlist; I heard this song when I was shopping for half price pick & mix (probably).

Just For Now/For You – Tonight Alive

Just for Now is my favourite song on the album and I’m dying to hear it live. I’m having dreams about the sore throat I’ll have the morning after belting it out. For You is one of those songs you don’t really like at the beginning but then you realise that’s it’s chill af and you’re suddenly playing it on loop. It’s so relaxing. Feels like a hot knife in butter.

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I’m on a new wave, it’s getting visceral [8 New Years resolutions]

Haha 

Happy New Year, I say in the middle of January.

I was AWOL for a long, long time. A time in which I rapidly grew, though sadly only in mind, and not in height, but it’s alright because I made up for that by buying platforms in the sales. I suddenly had a bunch of shit to talk about but I realised I can’t really shitpost before talking about the new year because that would be a real debbie-downer way to start 2018 off. So, here I am, telling you that NEW YEAR NEW ME, except not really because I started doing all this in about November last year. You know why? Because I’m a stubborn mule and I didn’t want to say I changed on January 1st.

But anyway, I found these big ass notebooks on the clearance shelf in WHSmith and it really inspired me to get my shit together, especially because, being the hoarder I am, I bought two and had to justify doing so. The first post I wrote was, of course, my new years resolutions – which are different from my 2018 goals, so watch this space. The good thing about these resolutions is that, ignoring the last one, they can be taken on board by pretty much anyone. Hope you consider these cos I’m on the path to complete wellness and hope you can join me on this wild ride xxxxxxxxxx

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Time is slipping by [Goals before the end of 2017]

Hello, it’s been a while, but as you already know I am a pathetic excuse of a blogger so no surprise there. I have also already failed at Blogmas, but also so very expected of me, because I have about 50 half written drafts that I think aren’t good enough, so I abandon them. I am, however, putting a lot of my energy into something SECRET that I CAN’T TELL YOU ABOUT.

What else is new with me? I am currently experiencing my first ever migraine as a result of a huge life decision I’ve made, I finally had my hair trimmed so I no longer rip it out of my head when I sit down (s/o Slop), and I smashed my phone screen because I’m an idiot. I also went the Scandinavian Christmas Market, post pending. But in a nutshell, I’m living both ends of the spectrum and nothing in between. It’s a gamble. Will tomorrow be unbelievably great, or unbelievably shit? Will I ruin my own life again and wallow in self pity, or will my serotonin give me a refreshing slap in the face? Who knows.

But whatever, enough about me. Here are my December goals. Haha, get it? My head hurts.

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Controversial opinon: Religion [Shitpost]

Something this depraved is not a product of a loving god.

I’m gonna talk about religion; not just about my religion specifically, so I don’t want anybody in the comments asking me why I’m not condemning ISIS. That ain’t my job, bish. I’m talking about religion generally: the whole concept of God, of divine books, of the afterlife.

I am struggling with religion.

Haram police, look away, because I’m about to reveal something: sometimes I wish I was Atheist. The complete hecking truth is that sometimes I wish that I could believe in nothing. I wish I believed that once we die, we’re just left to rot in the ground and turn into fertiliser because that makes everything so much easier. But I can’t. I wish I could be left to my own devices and know that everything I’m doing is a product of my own decisions and who I’ve grown into, but I can’t. I know that I’m living based on a book, based on a religion that I so strongly believe in that I couldn’t escape if I wanted to. I so strongly believe in it, yet I don’t follow it completely. I hate feeling like I’m scared to die simply because of what happens afterwards. Death itself doesn’t bother me. I’d have probably killed myself a long time ago if it wasn’t a straight ticket to hell, so I guess I gotta thank religion for that.

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I like the feeling you give me baby [November Playlist]

‘What is music, k? I can’t believe the shitty songs that people are coming out with now, what can I do? Help me, what is a Little Mix??? Why are my ears bleeding???????’

Say no more fam, I got you. We don’t listen to Little Mix ’round here.

As you’ve hopefully gathered, I’m usually always listening to at least one James Bay song at all times, but I’m not right now because I’m angry at him. I can’t deal with the new hair and style so we’re on a break. Feel like I don’t even know him anymore. Sob. We’re teetering on the edge here, James, sort it or lose me forever.

I actually have a couple posts lined up for the coming weeks, so rest assured you’ll have regular updates of my bullshit mind. Maybe. Probably not. I’ve been getting up early like a good pawn-of-capitalism in training and slaving away in the library, being productive. It’s draining, but going home after a day of getting shit done is one of the best feelings (next to having a sore butt after leg day and slowly noticing the effect it’s having on your hamstrings). Also, why did nobody tell me about Cutthroat Kitchen??? THAT’S THE TYPE OF TV I AM HERE FOR. I haven’t watched Come Dine with Me in ages, who even am I anymore?

Anyway, here’s your monthly mix, courtesy of yours truly.  x

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Don’t lose any sleep tonight [Your end of 2017 goals]

Right so I was actually gonna write another ginormous shitpost but I didn’t know if that’d be a good idea, so I wrote this instead. Not as ~juicy~ (I hate that idiot word too), but PROBABLY MORE USEFUL. I dunno, maybe you enjoy reading about me being a crybaby? Let me know x

Anyway. You know what I love doing? Helping people when I’m trying to sort my own shit out. Need an ego boost? I’m here, you fucking beautiful non-snowflake. Need a pep talk? I’m your man, let’s get your shit together. Think you’re being a cunt? You probably are, let’s figure out what you’re doing wrong.

I thought about telling tell you my own end of year goals, but who cares about me, right??? Instead, I’ve used my time to SELFLESSLY compile a list that you, yes you personally, should make your end of year goals. Gawd, the things I do for this shitty ass blog.

There’s basically just a month and a half left of 2017. Gasp. Yes, I know, time is a man made concept. ‘New year new me’ is some bullshit. But I think we can all agree that there is a certain catharsis that comes with the end of a year, with a brand new calendar.

Without further ado.

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The Versatile Blogger Award

Yes, you read that right. All that time spent indoors and trying to create a semblance of an online presence. God loves ugly x

Sooooo I was nominated by Abbie (who is so hecking nice, follow her on everything right now) for the Versatile Blogger Award and seeing that made me go ‘!!!!!’.

I’m really, really picky with everything in life. Just like generally. I’m picky with what I wear, with who I talk to, with the movies I watch. I’m not picky with food tho. Don’t ever ask me where I want to eat because I don’t know!!! I DON’T KNOW!!!!! I AM A FAT GANNET I’LL EAT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

I am also picky with the things that I read; if I don’t like the writing style or the content is too uniform and boring, I’ll just never visit that blog again. Soz. So listen to me when I tell you to check out Abbie’s blog: I love her writing style and really look forward to reading what she posts next. I’m probably gonna have a go at those body scrubs cos ain’t nobody got time to throw £500 at Lush.

I never knew about the ‘blogger community’ until Twitter, and I’ve learnt that this is one that involves support and positivity. It’s so much nicer than catty, bitchy competitiveness that you see everywhere (amongst girls, really). Hopefully more guys get into blogging; it’s cooler than you think. Everyone is cool. Nobody tears anybody down. And that’s exactly what this award about. I suppose I’m a ‘versatile’ blogger in that I’m a dumb idiot who doesn’t have a theme and instead vomits out all the shit that lies in my head. Oops.

Anyway. So I gotta give you seven facts about myself. This is “let’s go around the room and say something interesting about ourselves”, isn’t it? Alright.

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Eleven movies you need to watch before you die

Haha, Eleven, get it, because I still haven’t watched season 2 of Stranger Things.

Winter is upon us, (yes, Winter, because it’s getting really cold really fast) and it is thus time to break out the fat socks and double up your duvets. Yes, you can choose to stay in on a Friday night and not feel guilty about it. Yes, you can get out of bed at 12pm on Sunday and get back in at 8pm. Yes, it is time to eat a doner kebab and go straight to bed.

What can I do on a Friday night, k, if I’m not going out clubbing?‘ you ask? Well, friends, here is where I arrive in my usual grandiose style and hand you a list of the best movies ever made. I urge you to steadily make your way through these, savour every single minute, and finally present to me a 1,000 word essay on what you liked and didn’t like.

We don’t know when our last days are, so get cracking please x
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Wear my scars like the rings on a pimp [8 Important life lessons]

I haven’t watched the new episode of the Walking Dead yet, so if I see any spoilers I will punch you in the face.

Welcome to another shitpost.

With 2017 coming to an end, I started thinking about shit that I’ve learnt, things that I want to keep on board throughout the next year. Things that I think everybody should follow. Everyone has shitty days, some more than others, and I wonder how I genuinely still feel kind of okay even during those times – how anybody does. Honestly, it’s probably because I know who I am and I know what I want. Whatever shitty times befall you, it’ll pass, even if it takes hours, days or months. It’ll always pass.  Every now and then you’ll find yourself in a tiny moment that makes you feel like everything has the potential to be great. Even something as insignificant as hot IKEA guy.

Anytime I feel like shit, I think ‘What would Dwight do?’ And then I stop feeling like shit. Dwight would not feel like shit. Dwight doesn’t wallow in self pity. Be Dwight, always.

Anyway, I’m gonna stop rambling and tell you the most important things I’ve learnt. This time I’ve even made it a little more attractive and coherent by bolding the headings; learn to be more considerate towards others, got it x

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