So this is the first bit of non-creative writing I have done in a while because I may consider deleting this blog soon. Not that anybody cares to know. So in light of this, I want to talk about something very important to me. I’m not going to talk politics, although seeing as I was wrong to think I was safe in my own town after a rise of Islamophobia directed at myself, I should be talking about Daesh – but I won’t because it’s not something I care about right now.
Have you ever hit rock bottom so hard that you’ve become embedded into the ground and the best thing you can do is try to make a home out of your new Hell because you’ll never get out and you’ll never die? I’m unable to direct myself to happiness so I find it much easier to help direct other people. Some may call it hypocritical, others may call it tragic. I am a walking tragedy, though I’m so tragic that I rarely even leave my bed. But at the end of the day, Oscar Wilde said it best. I’m in the gutter, but I am looking at the stars. Or, rather, I’m trying to make out stars from the fuzzy silver dots I see in my terrible eyesight.
I guess this is following up from my ‘heart vs head‘ post I did a while back, and I want to talk about the self and dreams. I feel like there’s a general consensus as to what dreams are ‘acceptable’. And they are mainly career focused. You gotta dream to be rich and successful, to be earning so much that you can own three houses with garages that hold 12 cars. Anything less than that cannot be considered a dream. Wrong. But perhaps the most irksome ‘dream’ people have is the dream to be happy. That’s not a dream. That’s the consequence of achieving your dream, your goals. Everybody wants to be happy. You’re allowed to have whatever dreams you want.
Some women are ridiculed for wanting to be a housewife. Why? Sure, I want to be successful in that I want to do what I enjoy for a living. But the biggest dream I’ve ever had is to have my own family. That was my biggest dream and I’m not ashamed to admit that. I won’t have anybody tell me that, as a woman, I should be aiming higher and I should be career driven. I won’t have anybody tell me what I should want, and of course I want a career that I love, but it’s not the most important thing to me. I won’t pretend that money is what I care about, because it is not, and that is why the thought of not achieving that dream doesn’t affect me like not having a family does. If women want to be housewives, let them. I would never work in the first few years of having children, I would have never let a stranger raise my kids – so yes, part of my dream involved being a housewife for a short while. The thought of welcoming my husband home to food and happy children was something that filled me with an insane amount of joy, yet I was made to feel like I shouldn’t have family focused goals. Some women dream to be rich, some women dream of a happy home. The definition of success is different for everyone. Some people may dream to work as a cashier, and people may laugh, but why? It’s no less a dream than someone who wants to be CEO of a big company. You cannot decide whether someone’s dream is valid or not. Some people have big, elaborate and risky dreams, others dream of the day they can lay in the arms of someone they love and laugh forever.
The dream to be ‘happy’ is a cop out. It’s lazy. Everybody knows what makes them happy, make them your goals. To be happy is the result of achieving the goals. Set goals, and when you’ve achieved them, make more goals or make it a goal to sustain these goals that you have achieved. It doesn’t matter how small these goals are, the smaller they are, the more likely you are to be happy. There’s so much shit on the internet telling people to dream big or don’t dream at all, that you’re only worthy if you have big goals, that someone is only worth marrying if they have big goals. You don’t need to have big goals to be ambitious, you just need to put action to your words, you need to have small steps that you actually follow. Your goals do not have to be about money in order to be big. It’s easier to give up on your dreams if they’re so big that you feel like no progress is happening.
Some people cannot have ‘big’ goals in the way society perceives a ‘big’ goal – who decides what makes a goal big anyway? I praise myself for being able to get out of bed in the mornings, that’s something big for me. For me, being able to go to a seminar is a big achievement, and I won’t let anybody put me down. Your goals are your goals, you set them yourself. Nobody can set them for you. If you dream to teach in a third world country, chase it. If you dream to be a refuse collector, chase it. If you dream to find someone you can call your best friend, chase it.
Please, can we stop deciding how other people should feel.
If you have a dream, forget about right and wrong (unless you’re intentionally harming someone), and chase it.