Don’t you fall asleep, I need you here

Even when the sun is shining
bright through your window
everything is dark
it’s grey
there are shadows,
you don’t know why.
Not black
there’s no obvious horror
Just absence –
of what,
you do not know,
but it is sinister
and it eats
at your mind

Then suddenly
4am hits
4am – for the lonely
the loved,
the in love.
Wrong
no, 4am is not
that fucking beautiful.
4am, the eerily silent
4am
where everything pushed
to the back of your mind
marches defiantly
to the front of the line
so fiercely
that it’ll wake you up
when it is pitch black
outside
4am gives you clarity
and your heart hurts louder
and you didn’t know
it could cry so hard.

I need to give affection
And I crave a connection
The colours and the shadows
that dance in the night
show me exactly what is missing
in daylight.

I need to connect
with a soul
as lost as my own
it is wondering around
with nowhere to go
far away from me, alone,
laying on the floor outside
of a place somewhere
it calls home –
But still,
nowhere
to call home.

If you find my soul
please keep it safe
hold it close
don’t let go.
But you’ll only find it
if yours is also absent
at 4am,
desperately searching
for something,
alone.

If you find my soul
keep it far from your own
just bring it back to me
so I can give it a home

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