Don’t want to give you anti-psychotics just yet

They say it gets better
that these thoughts disappear
‘I’ll  try to compress it into weeks
but it could take years
tell me your problems,
I can’t give you my shoulder,
but I’ll give you an ear.
I don’t really care
but apparently the demons
escape through your mouth
and into the air.
I’m here to understand you,
I’m here to help,
I get paid
to repeat this advice
to everyone else.

Do some fucking exercise
go out for a fucking walk
you’re lazy as shit
thats why your brain doesn’t work.
And if that doesn’t help
pop some happy pills,
get some fucking smiles
into your blood
because you’re lacking the normalcy
of everyone else

Any questions for me
before you leave?’

Yes, I have questions
If you could answer them please
it’s not about side effects
of the drugs that I need
nor how many minutes
of activity
fresh air,
human fucking contact
would be best for me.
The best kind of drug
is that which is prescribed
just for you,
and it’s not the kind of drug
that can be consumed,
I strongly oppose
putting chemicals in my blood
because it is already occupied
by something else.

The pain never leaves
it just embeds into me.
The passion that sent me screaming
and crying into my hands,
begging for forgiveness
and tearing the hair out of my head
has grown to be
a part of me
I no longer feel it
I only feel dead.
The pain isn’t there
but it hasn’t been replaced
it’s not there,
but nothing has taken its place.
I repeat everything I say,
And I am losing this life
whatever soul have left
is escaping me fast.
Art has no meaning
food has no taste
I can’t hear the music;
it’s your job to know this,
can’t you see it in my face?

Am I going to be numb
for the rest of my life?
Won’t somebody come and save me?
Show me everything beautiful
that life can be?
I promise
I’m not a fucking nutjob
I can love harder
than anyone else
But I’ll push you away
because I’ll never be enough

If you need to be needed
look no further than me
And if you want
I can be normal for you
just let the drugs
kick
in


After careful consideration,
since my prescription
has stopped,
I’ll take whatever you can give me
and give me the strongest you’ve got

 

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