Over a year ago, when I heard that an old friend (she wasn’t a friend) was married, pregnant and abroad, I was overcome with shock. How? We’re the same age? How is she married and I’m not? But as time went by, more and more people in my year were getting married and having children, and I think it’s beautiful. But for some, it’s threatening and pressurising. I see my future as bright as the sun, so close, yet so far, but I know of some people who are worrying about their blank vision like there’s no tomorrow.
“What if I never find someone? You’re supposed to find someone at uni, but I’ve finished uni, WHAT WILL I DO“
“What am I even going to do with my degree? Why did I choose this. I’m never going to have a stable career“
“I HAVEN’T FOUND ANYONE YET“
Chill. Enjoy your youth. Have fun. And by that, I mean find yourself before you give yourself to someone else. Focus on your education, because without that you won’t have the career you want. If you look for it, it won’t come. When you’re not looking for it, it slaps you in the face from all directions. This is not an excuse to go to the club, get wasted and sleep with anything that moves, because that will seriously affect your future and the kind of people you will become and attract. Don’t sit there waiting for your future to happen – you have to make it happen. And by that, I don’t mean actively seek a partner. I mean build yourself up to the woman or man you want to be. Do you plan on being a wife or a husband one day? A mother/father? Start acting like the kind of person your kids would be proud to call their parent. Start behaving the way you’d like a future spouse to behave.
A lot of ~strong~ ~independent~ women say
“Why should I live my life according to whether a man will accept me as a wife? As if that’s my main goal LOL he has to just deal.“
Well, actually, the goal of a lot of women and men involves marriage and a family. It’s pathetic that feminist women will put another woman down for having family as a priority, or for wanting to be a housewife. To some, a family comes before anything else. Before her career, before travelling the world. Many men ditch the club and hoes because the type of woman they want to marry, and mother his children, wouldn’t look twice at him. Many women ditch the club and hoes because they don’t want to be that kind of girl, because the type of man they want to marry, and father her children, wouldn’t look twice at her. You adapt to the lifestyle you want BEFORE you get it. You want to be shaking your ass in a club one day and then next week a respectable marriage proposal? You want to be with a different girl every other night and then next week one loyal woman who has never been touched? Don’t make me laugh.
Your past doesn’t define you, but let’s be realistic. At first, before you’re able to prove that you’re a different person, it does define you. And, friends, whilst it is possible, it takes a while to prove you’re not that person anymore. Said woman and man will try desperately to prove their status as a strong woman, or cling desperately onto their youth, respectively. People have preferences in who they choose as a life partner, and, whether you like it or not, not many people are dreaming of someone who is reckless in their post-adolescent life.
When you pass your teens, it’s time to start working towards your perfect self. If you don’t want a family, keep doing you the way you want. But if you do, think about the example you’re setting – you’re working towards a self that’s perfect for your future family. If you’re in secondary school, this doesn’t apply to you. Do what you want and be safe. But for the rest of you who have had enough life experience, or have witnessed enough mistakes to guide you? Travel, read extensively, write a book, learn a language, spend time with people you already love.
Your past doesn’t define you, but what you do about it does. Do things that are going to serve as beautiful stepping stones; don’t create baggage.