Love is a disease, marriage is the cure. Or something.

Don’t you just love the way ice cold coke burns the back of your throat? I’m taking a break from this brain-frying revision, I’ve eaten half a tub of honey greek yoghurt, had four glasses of coke, half a pack of share-pouch m&ms and I’m ready to go.

So. When I was younger, I used to dream about having a big, extravagant wedding, bigger and better than any of the ones I had already been to.

No, that’s a lie. When I was younger I didn’t care about marriage. I didn’t care whether I found someone to marry or not. I definitely didn’t care about a wedding and I never spared a single thought for it; Asians do it big and weddings just gave me headaches – most of the time I didn’t even know who’s wedding I was at and I never understood why I was there (except for the food, which doesn’t really make up for spending £100 on an outfit). It was always family, and I had known most of the people there except the bride and groom. How? I know not.
But once I hit adolescence and the prospect of marriage became a very real thing, my thoughts started to wander. What if Imma let you finish, but I could have the best wedding of all time? What if it was the kind of wedding that EVERYONE would be talking about for years to come? What if there was Nandos or a kebab station? What if the best day of my life was truly the best day of my life in each corner of a massive hall or in each grain of sand that my guests would be flown out to dance on? Before I knew it, I was sighing in the face of those Berta bridal dresses, listening to a playlist I made up and knowing exactly when each song was going to be played, ensuring my guests can stuff their faces without the domineering presence of a cameraman zooming into their face. And no, there wouldn’t be daal hanging off their chin either.

But then I got a little older, and now I couldn’t be further from those thoughts. A wedding is just  a celebration, and that shouldn’t take away from what the celebration is for; a marriage. I don’t care for a huge, expensive wedding for hundreds of people, the majority of whom I’ll probably never see again for the rest of my life. Sure, a marriage should be celebrated, and it’s a beautiful thing that many people should know of. But the wedding isn’t what I want, it’s what comes after it; a marriage is a blessing, and the wedding should be treated as such. I feel like so many people, women in particular, are more focused on having an amazing wedding than focusing on the person they are, and the person they’ll be marrying. I feel like more preparation is being put into this wedding day than it is for the lifetime following it; you may argue that you will begin after it, but how can you begin a marriage with the wrong mindset? You want your spouse for a few decades or eternity? When your wedding ends, your married life begins – is that not way more exciting? I also know of many women who say “I want to marry someone who is more religious than me.” Just a heads up, that “religious” person is probably not looking for someone who isn’t already “religious” – step your own game up first. But that’s another rant altogether.

Basically, BE EXCITED FOR YOUR WEDDING! But don’t make it the most important part of your marriage. I don’t care for having the biggest wedding the family has ever seen; a marriage is not measured in how big the venue is. As I think about it now, I’m amazed at how anybody can choose to delay it simply because they want their wedding to be the best. No other reason, just that. Perhaps priorities need to be considered; from time to time I still listen to that wedding playlist and I wanna look bomb…but when I think of my wedding ‘day’ now, the only thing I long for is taking off my heels at the end and going to a drive thru for a burger(? permission??).

For those with arranged marriages, I understand that the delay and the prep is all necessary because you don’t know the person well enough to long for the marriage. But as I sit here now, an exam looming over my head and various sources of stress eating away at everything that is unnecessary, I’m left with only what is important. I long for what every little girl dreams about, and that is the end of her wedding day.

– k.


Note: I’m not saying MARRIAGE BEFORE ANYTHING. I’m saying marriage before wedding. If you’re madly in love already then yes, marriage before anything… But if you are single, personal improvement, including education, should come long before you begin thinking about marriage.

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