Battering ram

2016 was a bit of a shitstorm, to say the least. And we’re either going to let this asshole of a year barge its way into 2017, or we can say our farewells and leave it behind.

December is the transition month, and thankfully it tries so hard to round our shitty years off on a good note. Here’s to appreciating all the work December does for us, you da real MVP.

1. Christmas
Obviously. Christmas lights in London give me all the feels. Christmas movies, Christmas jumpers, Christmas music in Tesco, Christmas drinks everywhere. Although to be honest the Starbucks eggnog latte is horrendous. Don’t buy it.

2. Cold, wind and rain
Bad weather means you have an excuse to stay indoors and say no to everybody who wants to go out. But some of us genuinely like the rain and an all round dark atmosphere, whether we’re goths or we like that it increases the cozy factor. Or both. Thanks Winter. But no thanks for the 5am ice scraping. And please, no snow.

3. Big Fat Quiz of the year
Honestly, it’s the best thing about winter and I look forward to it all year.

4. Boxing day sales
Because?????? Waking up on a cold morning, no work to do, no commitments, just open up your laptop and start buying things you don’t need with money you don’t have. Or, if you’re an animal, you can leave your house and slither through the smallest gaps in Westfield like the rat that you are. That was mean. I hate clothes shopping, and clothes shopping on boxing day is the fourth circle of hell.

5. The period between Christmas and new year
LIMBO. Even if you don’t celebrate, once you’re off school/uni/work for Christmas it feels like you’re either waiting for December the 25th or the 31st. And that gap in between is glorious. All sense of purpose is gone. The entire country is relaxing. Nothing matters, you are an irrelevant floating piece of dust in the universe. And then once the clocks hit midnight on NYE and the fireworks have died down, all feelings of gloom return as you realise it’s back to monotony again.

6. Make up doesn’t sweat off your face
Granted, winter means extra dry skin for a lot of us. But it also means dark eyeshadow and darker contour without the worry of it slipping and sliding all over the face, rendering you a humanised work of Picasso.

7. Christmas overtime
If you’re a broke student, you’ll love it. Because YES I have nothing to do and I can work this day, that day and all the rest. And then later on you’ll hate it. Because no, bitch, I won’t work and you can’t guilt me into it. No amount of money is worth working extra time for you and the thought of you suffering because you’re short-staffed makes me writhe with joy. Fun prank: Give in all your Christmas overtime dates and then quit before December. Like I did (;

8. The Sims
One does not simply play the sims. The correct way to play it is to buy it, play it for 3 days straight, and then put it down for 3 months. Rinse and repeat. And December is the best time to pick it up again.

9. Gifts`
Again, even if you don’t celebrate Christmas. Since Christmas IS coming up, every single store/brand anticipates gift-buyers and suddenly you’re surrounded by gifts, gift sets, cute things and useful things, and you just want to buy everything for everyone. Those half-price skincare gift sets? I’ll take 5. For myself.

10. The end of the year
You know what that means? Reflection. On what matters and what doesn’t, on what was lightyears away and what’s soon to come. A cleanse. All the shittiness of 2016 is finally coming to an end, and with the end of December brings a clean slate. And then you remember that time is a man made concept and you’re living on a continuum of shit. Soz.

 

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