Thoughts I’ve had mid-dissertation

So..my dissertation is due in exactly 2 months and I’m only now attempting to pick up pace; I only really work well under pressure. And when you’re really under pressure you start seeing things and hearing things. Those little kids laughing at 3am last night? Not real! Those shadows creeping behind the door? I hope they weren’t real! Hearing a song on repeat and sounding like it’s playing from inside your head and ears? Amazing! The dissertation engulfs your life. In sixth form your teachers will drum it into your head that a levels are harder than a degree. Ha.

This is false. You go from sixth form to first year of uni and WOAH. I’m doing 6 months worth of A-level work in 2 weeks here. And I’m expected to have PRIOR knowledge! But then you get to year three and hahahahhahaaahahahahahahaha

just drink bleach. Honestly. It’s so hard. An English degree has to be one of the hardest and most time consuming, most brain-frying, most rewarding degrees ever, I’ll fight anyone on this. It’s not multiple choice and it’s not the application of facts and equations. You actually have to DO STUFF. LEARN STUFF. RESEARCH STUFF PLUSSS HAVE YOUR OWN RELEVANT OPINIONS! Like you need to create new arguments and approaches in a world where there are already 1000 opinions on any given topic.

This is why arts degrees are gr9. Sure, applied/science degrees are all well and good, and might guarantee you a well-paying job out of uni, but that’s it. You pay for a piece of paper that says you’ve got good memory. A piece of paper that literally says “Now give me a job, I literally need this specific job or my degree is useless”. Which is useful, but not rewarding.

When you do an arts degree [e.g literature, design, photography], or a political/social science degree [e.g economics, law, psychology] however, you’re like.. learning things. That you can use in your life. It’s not just a piece of paper saying ‘Yes, I am qualified’, it’s a piece of paper that says ‘A job would be great because look at my skills. But if you don’t give me a job, I’m not going to be too pissed because I tbh don’t need your job to give a purpose to my degree. I can do something else.’

It’s a piece of paper representing that you’ve gone through 3 years of fine-tuning the skills you’ve already (hopefully) had. Plus, you probably actually liked it.

Obviously, that’s not to say that science degrees are useless. We know they’re not. But what’s the point in science unless you’ve also got art and everything in between.

I was going to do social policy at LSE. Weird, right. I’m so glad I didn’t go down that route.

But I digress.

I’m here to talk about my dissertation, a looming thought that is threatening to pour down on me whilst I’m trying to write another assignment. My internal monologue has gone crazy.

  • Kill me. 10,000 words how?
  • 10,000 words is NOTHING. I need more.
  • Why didn’t I just go with my gut six months ago? I’d have the whole paper done by now. 
  • I WANT TO USE ALL THE RESEARCH. 50 REFERENCES AND GOING.
  • Why the hell didn’t I put this much effort in for all my 2,000 word essays? It literally required 1/5 of the effort my dissertation needs. Because I am stupid. 
  • Motivation in the form of a greasy doner kebab, where art thou? Why doesn’t that kebab van deliver? I need it for research purposes.
  • Sweet bed of mine, unplagued by the thoughts of dissertation because I’m not an idiot who decides to work in my room. 
  • Bitches need to earn a place in my acknowledgements.
  • Rectangle. America. Megaphone. Monday. Butthole. 
  • What if the relief I gain from finally submitting this mammoth of a paper is too much for me and I die
  • “How’s your dissertation going?” Haha. I haven’t touched it since November shut up
  • My health is suffering.
  • The library is so wonderful before the break of dawn. I have it all to myself. Bliss.
  • Did I save this 10 words ago? Can’t remember. Better save it again.
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