Be in the moment, always

I had a rant on my snapchat a couple of days ago, and it’s one that I want to expand on.

I used to take photos, all the time, at every chance I got. I was like an excitable dog, whipping out my phone to take a photo whenever I was really happy or I was with someone who made me happy or I saw something that made me happy. I used to write at every chance I got. I wanted to shout about everything to the world, because a writer has so much to say and wants to say it always. In words and in photos, for when words aren’t enough. A writer has an overwhelming desire to express themselves and have it known. Because even you’re not the happiest, you see the words and the photos and everything is kind of okay again. I used to snap away and post it everywhere I could. I look through my phone at photos I used to take and it just reminds me of a time when I was happier. Because that’s what I did. I took pictures. I wrote. I was a writer. That’s who I was.

But then I deleted everything. I deleted tumblr, and I stopped getting the urge to write and post. I deleted Instagram and I stopped taking photos, I stopped feeling excited enough to take out my phone, I stopped forcing people into my memories, I started to hate how I looked. I deleted Facebook and I became alienated from my family and the only way I stay in touch with my friends is through snapchat.

I talk about social media like it’s the devil, but the truth is it’s not. We live in a generation where social media is so prominent, so to tell you that it’s poison is wrong. If you have instagram, indulge. If you have tumblr, indulge. If you have Facebook, indulge. We are the social media generation, and if you grew up with social media, it’s almost unspeakable to suddenly get rid of it. Ghost when you’re happy, when your life is set up. Not when you still have growing up to do. Have a break every now and then to gain perspective. As long as your entire life isn’t social media, it’s fine. As long as you’re not using it to compare your life with others, it’s fine.

Maybe social media isn’t poison, but trying to convince yourself of something you’ll never believe, just because you think it’s good for you, is. As much as I hate it, deleting social media wasn’t that great for me, and yet I don’t have the urge to have it again. I want to want it again. But I don’t. I don’t have the urge to write or post or take photos anymore, so I’m just here trying to find a way out of an abyss. If anybody knows how to help me out, I owe you my life.

Obviously there’s a lot more to it, but I’m not here to write an essay.

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