Hey Assbutt: Men who tell women how to dress

I want to start this by clarifying that I still don’t identify as a feminist. I don’t agree with so many aspects of modern feminism. I believe a woman can cover up and that it is NOT oppression. In some cases, however, it is. I’m drawing attention to that.

Before I wore the abaya, and even the hijab, someone once tried to convince me that women must cover up because we must be responsible for attracting men. That men and women are inherently different, and that men are more likely to be attracted to physical aspects of a woman than vice versa. Because men are dogs.

The only part of that I agreed to was the fact that we are inherently different, to an extent. And that has largely been the basis for me urging women to continue to be modest for their own sake; men, however, piss me off. Really, I don’t think all men are dogs. I think many men are respectful, particularly in light of how many men support the right of a woman to do whatever the heck she wants. It’s only the mentality of Muslim men that made me think ‘yep. Dogs’. Nonetheless, I agreed to that explanation and kept quiet. Because what could I say? Well today is the day I step up and say that this is fucking bullshit.

First of all, in Islam, men are required to lower their gaze BEFORE women are required to cover up. Men literally tell women that they have to avoid being attractive to men just so that they lessen their own burden and don’t have to control their damn selves. It is literally part of hijab for men to NOT look at women REGARDLESS of what they are wearing. When the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was travelling with his cousin, he forced him against looking at a woman. He did not tell the woman to cover up, he did not say a thing to the woman – HE TOLD THE MAN TO AVERT HIS GAZE.

If my husband tried to use the justification that women must cover up because men are different and easily attracted to women, I would be worried. I would be so worried. I would be worried that he says men are that primitive and disgusting. I would be worried because he is also one of the men he claims are all disgusting. I would be worried that he too cannot control himself and absolutely has to look at other women who do or don’t cover up, because, as he regards all men to be like that, he must also be like that. Never trust a man who says things like that. Trust the men who say women can do whatever the fuck they want because their lives don’t affect them and he’s not looking at them anyway. Trust the men who say that men CAN control themselves and that anyone who says otherwise is trying to justify their own disgusting behaviour. Trust the men who treat you as a partner, not as a possession or an object. Trust the man who admits he wants you to cover up because he hates seeing other men look at you, who doesn’t force you to do it and doesn’t use some bullshit excuse. Cover up because of the religion, or because of the respect you have for your partner.

The Muslim men, however, don’t adhere to this.

Let me bring your attention back to the statement that men are wired differently and are easily attracted to women. That, apparently, women aren’t like that. Um, what century do you live in? In what era do you live that women are not easily crazed just by seeing a BEARD or NICE HANDS or literally fucking SHOES. Men aren’t required to cover up like women are. Men can be completely covered up and will say ‘the way I am dressed is halal’, yet will be fully aware that they are dressed attractively and will attract the attention of other women. They fucking KNOW this. Men will get haircuts and shave, and they know it makes them look good, yet they want their wives to look as unattractive or covered up as possible. They don’t want the women to wear makeup but will walk around with fucking lines in their head. In fact, it is easier for men to be attractive to women because society has told them that they’re attractive ANYWAY and DON’T NEED TO WEAR MAKEUP or do ANYTHING to look good.  I fucking hate these type of men, literally fuck you. I have absolutely no respect for the men who are walking around looking dapper af holding hands with their wife who is in a niqab. Literally fuck you, you conceited fuck. You know that man doesn’t respect his wife. The one who does, is wearing a thobe or is literally actually trying not to look good.

Get you a man that respects you. I don’t have time for men telling women how to dress. I don’t have time for men guilting and forcing their women into dressing a certain way. I don’t have time for the men telling their women that they can’t help it if other women look at them, but they can prevent other men from looking by not wearing makeup and draping a sheet over them. I don’t fucking have time for the men who accuse their women of ‘wanting to attract other men’, who fucking call them hoes just for wearing makeup or wanting to look nice. I don’t have time for the men who GUILT THEIR WOMEN AND MAKE THEM FEEL INSECURE AND UNHAPPY. STOP IT. SHE IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL LOVED AND SUPPORTED.

I am here for the men telling women to do things only when they’re ready. I am here for the men making their women feel confident and beautiful, not pushing them down and making them feel ugly.

I’m also here for the men reminding you to register to vote and to VOTE LABOUR because they want to see you prosper!

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