Become the bull

Did you know that people are paying £1.19 for a can of Red Bull, when ASDA’s own brand energy drink is 30p? I don’t even know if there’s any difference. Looking at the ingredients, the caffeine content is the same and Blue Charge is fortified with more vitamins than Red Bull is. Anybody who says it doesn’t taste the same is lying; they’re just brand junkies. I’m not even a fan of Red Bull and I only drink it when I have no choice. Rockstar girl since 2k10 ❤

Anyway what I’m really here for is to make the following, very alarming statement: I am about to consider running.

Like buying proper running shoes and desperately begging the morning air to clean out my shitty mind type of RUNNING. I don’t know where. I will lose my butt and I don’t know how much I care about that. The entire truth is that I was about to sign up for the London marathon. I was so close, I filled in my details and just had to confirm it. But I realised that if October came around and I got the place, I would feel real shitty if I backed out. And not applying in the first place prevents that from happening so… If I’m alive this time next year, I will definitely sign up for the 2019 marathon. I promise this. Right now, though, I’m about to consider switching the stationary bike for some absurdly bright trainers.

Okay what I’m really here for is to talk about fitness, part 1. A few years ago, I had a lot of people ask what I did to maintain my figure. I’m not trying to brag – I’m here to talk about that.

I trained, yes. But not as hard as you would think. I did zero cardio, only weights, but I didn’t lift heavy.

I also ate shit. I skipped breakfast but ate everything in sight from the afternoon. I had chips everyday after school, and when I got to sixth form I had a doner kebab almost every week. I stayed up late eating pot noodles more often than should be legally acceptable. I also drank at least two cans of Rockstar every single day. I slept 4 hours a night.

It was crazy. I was never tired and despite the lack of sleep, the junk food and the sugary drinks, my skin was really clear. My waist was tiny, but everything else was in proportion. It made me wonder: why was everyone so flabby when looking good and staying fit was so easy? I think I had more muscle mass than the guys in my school.

What happened?

I fixed up, is what happened. I started to sleep properly. I cut out the energy drinks. I ate breakfast and generally more regularly. I haven’t touched a pot noodle in YEARS. I started to lift regularly and a little heavier. I gained weight.

I’m not fat, especially considering obesity is on the rise in the UK, and I’m on the path back towards what I used to be, but it’s got me thinking. I looked good, but I was rotting inside. I want to look like that but also feel good.

Back then, I trained to look good. Now, I train to be healthy. I want to maintain my health so it’s still going strong by the time I hit the age when my metabolism slows down and I grow weaker, I want to be in the habit of staying fit so that I won’t have to say ‘tomorrow I’ll start’ for ten years. That’s why I work out now.

Looking good is a bonus, even though literally nobody can see what I look like.

I guess I want to stress that being healthy is so much more important than looking good. The reason being that the definition of looking ‘good’  often changes. Twenty years ago, everyone wanted to be skinny. Now, everyone wants to be ‘thick’. And they adjust their lifestyle accordingly: by gorging on burgers and squatting (which, by the way, isn’t gonna grow your butt). But when you’re 50, are you going to care about your ‘booty’? When you’re 50, you want to look  elegant. You want to be slim. You want to be healthy.

Everybody is different. Some women have nothing on top and everything on the bottom. Others, the opposite . Genetics plays a big part.

I used to follow Dr Miami and Dr 6ix on snapchat, and looking at those procedures sickens me (not because of the actual surgery – kudos to the doctors with the skill to do this). It sickens me because I see women (and yes, it is women who are pressured to change their bodies like play-doh according to what men find attractive at any given moment), who are chubby or fat. And instead of working out, they’re literally paying someone to move their fat around, bruise their body in whatever way necessary for whatever money necessary.

I’m left wondering: how can you feel good with yourself after this? Honestly I’m not bashing anyone for getting surgery, I just feel sorry for anybody who feels this pressured. Liposuction is fine if you’re obese or you have stubborn areas that you just can’t get rid of no matter how persistent you are with your diet and training. Some people retain fat on their face and I think it’s fine to get rid of it. But literally moving fat around your body because you’re too lazy to work out? Creating a bigger butt just to look more attractive even though its obviously unnatural?

I dunno. I could never leave that surgery feeling good about myself.

As cliche as it is, the first step is the hardest. Feeling your legs ache two days after lifting or cycling/running a few miles is the best feeling ever. Accidentally smacking yourself in the face when you pick up your phone too fast after training your arms hard is amazing (just me?). Waking up before everyone to fit in some morning cardio until your chest hurts and you can’t breathe honestly makes you feel great throughout the whole day.

I think my favourite is working out so hard that you’re dripping sweat everywhere. Watching your progress, watching and feeling your body and mindset change over time as a result of how hard you’ve been working can never be replaced by a scalpel.



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