This world is only gonna break your heart [June Journal]

6/06/2017

Today’s prompt: Something to remember

That thing: you should never have to convince anybody to give a shit about you.

For so long I had this idea that you could make somebody support you if you just prove to them that you’re worth supporting. Well, no. I thought that if someone doesnt give a shit about you then it’s their loss. But that changes when it’s someone close to you. Friends, family, partners. I used to think that if you just convincingly prove your case, you can make someone give a shit about you.

I used to get frustrated and angry if I wanted a person to be on my side and they just wouldn’t. I was confused and frustrated and hurt. I used to be angry if someone who meant a lot to me was so pressed on being diplomatic, because I wholeheartedly throw diplomacy and logic out the window when it comes to someone that means a lot to me.

I realise I was an idiot.

We often feel like that because we only ever try to do that with people who are close to us, who mean a lot to us. It becomes important that they’re fully with us. Our pride disappears and we’re ready to almost beg a person to just see things from our perspective, to care about us.

But people make their own decisions. In fact, it’s not even a decision. They don’t decide how they feel about you, they just do. And you can’t be angry, you can’t be angry at yourself for not being good enough either. You just have to accept that they don’t feel a certain way. You say okay, it’s okay, and you walk away. You do your own thing.

You should never have to convince somebody to support you. They either do or they don’t. There are no questions about it, there’s no please, no whys, no convincing. There are plenty of people in the world who will be on your side, do anything for you no matter what. Why should you have to spend time convincing someone you’re good enough?

I know it’s difficult when the person/people is/are close to you, but then you have to start wondering why they’re close to you. Are they close to you because they deserve to be, or because you just want them close?

You have to cut your losses. And if that loss is a person who makes you feel like you have to convince them to be affected by your pain, to care about you, is it really a loss?

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