After all you’re not my type [Books I’ll never finish]

I get an influx of followers and then writers block decides to hit me bad! Amazing. But here I am, being the literary person I am and talking about books. Books that I hate. Books that I want to love. Books that I love but can’t finish. As my bookshelf grows, the percentage of unread books increases. And every now and then, my eye will catch a particular novel that I’ve tried, tried, and tried again to read, and just couldn’t. It haunts me.

Let’s talk about my bedroom for a sec. Oo er. I had books spilling out of my cupboard, falling off my desk, on the floor, in the corner, under the bed. Everywhere. Since then a lot of them have been moved to a sickasfrick bookshelf, which means I have more space for when I buy more books that I don’t intend to ever read!

I’ll show you my setup one day. It’s pretty weird for a blogger. No minimalism, no clean fresh look, no millennial pink. No candles, succulents, or quotes. Just a poster of Senna and a framed Patrick Bateman. That’s me. An improvement after a wall plastered with Kerrang and Metal Hammer pages, and various posters from HMV and Camden Market. But I digress. Again. Here are a bunch of books I’ve never been able to finish; please bear in mind that I am a Chuck Palahniuk girl through and through, so cut me some slack when I’m unable to finish a romance. Thanks, let’s begin x
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But that doesn’t make it any easier to get through [shitpost]

Hey.

Welcome to my night time, coffee-fuelled shit talking post. I haven’t done one of these in a while, but if you’re new to my blog, know that these are probably the most honest and raw posts I’ll ever write. That’s why they’re rare. Sometimes it’s in the form of poetry, other times, like now, it’s just word vomit. I don’t edit these. It’s the time where I’m wired but also tired, and when I’m listening to my night time songs.

Alright

One weird thing I’ve been called is ‘strong’. Strong because I can let things go, strong because I can stand by my beliefs, strong because I don’t fall for every guy that talks to me. I don’t know. I don’t know if I like being called strong, because there are certain expectations that come with that label. Am I allowed to cry? Am I allowed to fight for a guy who doesn’t give a shit? Am I allowed to have panic attacks? Am I allowed to be too nervous to walk into a crowded place sometimes?

Because I do all of those things too. And sometimes, that label gets in the way.

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Falling for you somehow, Autumn

I think the daddy longlegs have finally disappeared, but I don’t wanna speak too soon so hopefully they can’t read.

I hate to be another lifestyle blogger talking about Autumn, but I can’t help it. I wait the entire year just for this season.

There are just some things about Autumn that make you feel calm, comfortable, and less angry about life. Everything desaturates, the air is clearer, the leaves fall orange on patchy grass, the sun is less intense so you can actually see the road ahead. It’s the season of chilling the heck out, slowing everything right down and re-evaluating your life. Autumn is comfort. Autumn is me having Blossom on repeat because it’s the best album of 2017 and I have a newfound love for it this season.

But I digress. I have a bad habit of getting deep and philosophical about things the way I just did. Time to get right into the good stuff, and what I believe are the best things about Autumn.

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6 steps to take after you’ve been friendzoned

I’m honestly sitting here trying to ignore the dull pain occurring in my arm right now, so here I am, having already failed at Blogtober, with another post.

So, girls and guys, we all know that unrequited anything is horrible, it’s a bitch, it’s the worst. Unrequited love, unrequited hatred, unrequited anything. I’m going to tell you what to do after being confined to the dreaded friendzone, or, more broadly, how to get over someone you never really had.

In all honesty, I don’t like guys. Let me clarify: I’m very much heterosexual, but it’s hard for me to like people.  I’m not saying I have super high standards, I’m saying that in my entire 22 years I haven’t really liked liked people. In school, I was never interested in guys or relationships and I would shut down any flirting straight away because the guys around me were lame. I’m not head over heels about anyone at the moment, except Bill Skarsgard obv, and I don’t really interact with men (or anyone). So considering that, you’d better believe that if I like you, it’s a miracle. So if I know I could get over being friendzoned, so can you.

Now, you might read that and wonder why I would even consider giving relationship advice, but despite my lack of experience, people always wish they had listened to me sooner. I think a contributing factor is that I’m extra careful (cough – anxiety) and it’s not worth getting hurt over someone that way. I’m not hugely familiar with the whole confessing-your-undying-love-and-being-rejected thing because that would mean multiple instances of having undying love and then confessing it, but know that I definitely know how to deal with it.

So, here’s what to do when you’re thrown in the friendzone of somebody you’re madly in love with (or just crushing on):

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Always playing on my mind [10 songs I’m listening to right now]

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I have taken a break from watching youtube videos of Scott’s alpha roar on loop. That one scene when he roars at Aidan, anyone????? Amazing.

Anyway, aside from doing that I’m also basically listening to the same songs on repeat whilst writing. Is it a good idea to play these songs on repeat? Probably not. I know I’ll regret it a few months from now when I try to listen to them again. I also have been making the rookie mistake of taking too many benzos before important events – like job interviews. The mistake being that taking them actually has the opposite effect of what I want them to have. Sure, I’m relaxed. But I’m a little too relaxed. Like ‘Haha. Yeah so then I – sorry, wait what was I just saying?’ relaxed.

Anyway, as per usual when I do this type of post, I am sharing a very important part of me and my everyday life; here’s what I’m currently listening to:

Some type of love – Charlie Puth

Apparently I really like Charlie Puth. Who knew? I’ve had this on repeat for god knows how long, I actually forgot other songs existed for a while. First I had Attention on loop. Then I found this. Ma boi Charles spitting straight truth.

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Taking off my hijab? [NOT clickbait]

 

I’m taking off my hijab.

 

I don’t know when, but it’s probably definitely happening and sometime very soon. I’m not going to make a big deal out of it, I’m just going to do it. And you’ll see me out with my scraggly hair and old highlights because I haven’t had a haircut in five years.

After I speak to my old Quran teacher tho.

I’m gonna make this clear though: I know the hijab is compulsory. And I am still very much Muslim.

I haven’t just decided that it isn’t compulsory anymore. I know it is. But I’m not ready, and for the past couple of years I’ve just been trying to convince myself that I made the right decision. And now I’m finally ready to admit that I’m not happy in it.

Get ready for a long read because apparently I have to EXPLAIN EVERY SINGLE PERSONAL LIFE CHANGING PERSONAL PERSONAL DECISION to everyone.

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Who’s your daddy

Me, I’m your daddy.

Guys, I’m here to save your lives. It’s time to get psyched.

I mean, this is about helping you save your skin and your wallet at the same time. It’s about a face mask. A homemade face mask.

I’m not just raving about this because it’s cheap, even though it is in fact dirt cheap. I’ve gone through countless Lush masks (the fresh-faced ones), L’Oreal masks and Dr Organic masks. But none of them really work for me like this one, made entirely of things you should have in your kitchen already (if you’re brown, you will definitely have all these things).

Buckle up and sit tight, because I’m about to blow your mind. Here’s what you’ll need:

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Anywhere I go I make the gang go [Wales journal]

PSA: My heart belongs to North Wales. This is a long overdue post.

I always say I hate the shithole in which I live, but that I would never leave London unless I was going to Finland/somewhere in Scandinavia. Well, except I ABSOLUTELY WOULD!!!! To North Wales.

The last time we went to south Wales everybody was racist, so bye.

 

I love Snowdonia. I love Conwy. I love Llandudno. I love the people, the accent, the air. I am not a people person really, but everyone here is so nice!!! I love it!! It makes me wanna be a better person. I love that nobody litters. That actually warmed my cold, dead (joking, it’s warm, bloody, and very much beating) heart. I didn’t see that many bins, but nobody threw anything on the floor (except a couple banana skins on the mountain, hashtag slow release energy). I love that everywhere you go, you can see mountains. I love all the streams and I love that there are sheep literally EVERYWHERE. I’m not a beach person. But I am a mountain person. I am definitely a free-roaming-animals-in-the-street person.

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I’ll be me [Mental Health – Part 1]

Here’s a long post, read it if you have time. Like 5 minutes, realistically.

Also: If you can figure out what’s written on that notepad, I’ll dedicate a post to you.

So.

What am I doing these days.

Well.

First of all, I’m going to try my hardest not to incorporate my infamous self depreciating humour into this post, even though that is my biggest coping mechanism.

These days I’m reading, writing, researching, and listening to a lot of James Bay.

And I’m thinking.

I’m doing a lot of thinking, but I’m also doing a lot of …just … not thinking.

In other words: I’m keeping myself busy.

I try not to write about mental health, even though I should, because almost every blog I visit has posts about ‘dealing with depression’ or ‘dealing with anxiety’ or just ‘mental health’. And it makes me wonder how many of these people really do suffer from these issues, or if they’re just self diagnosed. As someone who has had doctors referring them to therapists and pestering them to take anti-depressants, it’s a bit … I don’t know. Annoying. It’s the reason I don’t enjoy speaking about my own mental health. I’m fine, but I’ll never deny that anxiety is my biggest enemy.

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Forever’s gonna start tonight [5 hobbies you should pick up]

You want to know something astonishing? I know people who have no hobbies.

I know, I can’t believe it either. I have a shit life, but imagine having no hobbies. WowWhat do you do with your life? Don’t you even follow a sport or like photography, or some kind of art? I’ve seen the social medias of people who do nothing but take selfies and go out all the time and I fall into the most depressive mood. For them. Then I appreciate the fact that I’m not a talentless, goalless and boring airhead. I might be ugly. And weird. But that’s better than being the former.

So, I thought I’d compile a list of how easy it is to gain a hobby, because I realised I never feel unfulfilled simply because I have a number of hobbies. Pause – gain a hobby, that sounded funny. Unpause. I meet people who feel bored, or who feel unsatisfied with their life, or are simply waiting for something to happen to them. If you had hobbies, my friend, you wouldn’t have this issue. Fortunately, your favourite ugly is here to help give you some inspiration. Here are mine, but remember; to thine own self be true*. (*Famous tumblr quote).

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