Something that she ain’t seen yet [Hey Assbutt: Love, pt.1]

I can’t believe how long it’s been since I’ve done a hey assbutt, aka one long bullshit rant. I guess I’ve kind of gotten my shit together in the sense that I don’t have the time to complain anymore, but alas; this part of me will continue to thrive.

Let’s talk about the L word. We all like to think about and not talk about the L word. We all like to talk about and not think about the L word. The L word is a stressful thing. I’m gonna do it.

To avoid confusion, I’m talking about ~romantic~ love. Gonna bump some MJ and begin.

Honestly, what even is love?

Platonic love is simple. One of the strongest feelings ever, because you don’t even have to like the person to love them, to care about them, to want the best for them and to be there for them always.

Romantic love is more annoying, but I haven’t felt it. I once thought I did, but in hindsight, I was terribly, inconceivably, dangerously wrong and it makes me nauseous. I have a good idea of what it is, and I would love to confirm it, but I’m not about to risk my heart for the wrong person. I, too, am cringing at the soppiness of that sentence so I’ll bring it down a notch right about now.

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Let me tell you something [How to genuinely improve your shitty life]

When will someone nominate me for the Worst Blogger award?

The shaytaan really is locked up because I’ve just written a blog post after two months of nothing. Not a single word.

I guess I’m supposed to include an update of my life here, except I’m not going to because when do I ever do that? Also I’m yawning and my eyes hurt and I’m sick. If you want to see me rant, my twitter is available for you to view all the thoughts I could and should have kept to myself. I’m at a weird point in my life, though. Super inspired but super unmotivated. Super happy, but super nonchalant. Super ready to be an adult, but.. yeah. In a weird limbo where the pieces of my puzzle are just hovering above me, waiting for me to give them the go ahead to just drop into place. Not yet tho, I’m not done being a fuck up.

I’m not worried, though. My skin is shit, but I’m not worried. My life isn’t any better on paper at all, but in my head, it’s all rosy. My mental health was suffering last year, and anxiety is now but a distant memory. It’s weird to think that I had a prescription for antidepressants that I, thankfully, didn’t collect. I went to a gig alone. I cut my hair. I give people chances. I now go with my gut instead of overanalysing every little thing. I say yes more. I say no more. I’m a whole other person. And I wanna tell you how I did it, starting with this post.

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23 things I’ve learned in 23 years

 

I’m so old.

I mean I don’t really care. I feel like I’ve been old for a while now, but it’s so weird finding out that someone is 17 and realising they’re a whole hecking 6 years younger than me. I can’t believe people born in 2000 will be 18 this year, that’s so weird, they’re supposed to be babies??? Now that I’m really rooted in in my 20s, I’m looking at 18 year olds and honestly wondering why they’re all idiots. Was I like that too? Because I hope not. I hear people saying stuff like ‘I’m 32 I’m so old’ and I’m like ??? You’re literally a spring chicken??

I don’t know if I’ve done one of these posts before, which is surprising because I often like to pretend I’m a wise old man who has lived 50 lives. In reality, I don’t have ‘life’ experience, per se. I just like to rant, so here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces can’t deny it can’t pretend that I talk a load of shite.

These past years I, myself, have learnt a few things. I’ve learnt that I CAN socialise. I realise how much of a better person you become after interacting with people from all walks of life. I realised that life is short and we’re all going to die so I don’t worry too much about the future. As long as I’m doing what I want, it can’t go that wrong. I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY GODDAMNIT. And stable. That too. But happy. Let’s begin.

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Got the music in you baby, tell me why [January Playlist]

Here’s another episode of ‘K doesn’t shut the hell up about music, yeah we know it’s a massive part of your life, it’s a massive part of everyones,  you ain’t special.’

Wow, ok. But I did commit to doing a regular monthly playlist, and I will deliver.

Auld Wives – Bear’s Den

Shout out to Wilko for their banging playlist; I heard this song when I was shopping for half price pick & mix (probably).

Just For Now/For You – Tonight Alive

Just for Now is my favourite song on the album and I’m dying to hear it live. I’m having dreams about the sore throat I’ll have the morning after belting it out. For You is one of those songs you don’t really like at the beginning but then you realise that’s it’s chill af and you’re suddenly playing it on loop. It’s so relaxing. Feels like a hot knife in butter.

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I’m on a new wave, it’s getting visceral [8 New Years resolutions]

Haha 

Happy New Year, I say in the middle of January.

I was AWOL for a long, long time. A time in which I rapidly grew, though sadly only in mind, and not in height, but it’s alright because I made up for that by buying platforms in the sales. I suddenly had a bunch of shit to talk about but I realised I can’t really shitpost before talking about the new year because that would be a real debbie-downer way to start 2018 off. So, here I am, telling you that NEW YEAR NEW ME, except not really because I started doing all this in about November last year. You know why? Because I’m a stubborn mule and I didn’t want to say I changed on January 1st.

But anyway, I found these big ass notebooks on the clearance shelf in WHSmith and it really inspired me to get my shit together, especially because, being the hoarder I am, I bought two and had to justify doing so. The first post I wrote was, of course, my new years resolutions – which are different from my 2018 goals, so watch this space. The good thing about these resolutions is that, ignoring the last one, they can be taken on board by pretty much anyone. Hope you consider these cos I’m on the path to complete wellness and hope you can join me on this wild ride xxxxxxxxxx

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I like the feeling you give me baby [November Playlist]

‘What is music, k? I can’t believe the shitty songs that people are coming out with now, what can I do? Help me, what is a Little Mix??? Why are my ears bleeding???????’

Say no more fam, I got you. We don’t listen to Little Mix ’round here.

As you’ve hopefully gathered, I’m usually always listening to at least one James Bay song at all times, but I’m not right now because I’m angry at him. I can’t deal with the new hair and style so we’re on a break. Feel like I don’t even know him anymore. Sob. We’re teetering on the edge here, James, sort it or lose me forever.

I actually have a couple posts lined up for the coming weeks, so rest assured you’ll have regular updates of my bullshit mind. Maybe. Probably not. I’ve been getting up early like a good pawn-of-capitalism in training and slaving away in the library, being productive. It’s draining, but going home after a day of getting shit done is one of the best feelings (next to having a sore butt after leg day and slowly noticing the effect it’s having on your hamstrings). Also, why did nobody tell me about Cutthroat Kitchen??? THAT’S THE TYPE OF TV I AM HERE FOR. I haven’t watched Come Dine with Me in ages, who even am I anymore?

Anyway, here’s your monthly mix, courtesy of yours truly.  x

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The Versatile Blogger Award

Yes, you read that right. All that time spent indoors and trying to create a semblance of an online presence. God loves ugly x

Sooooo I was nominated by Abbie (who is so hecking nice, follow her on everything right now) for the Versatile Blogger Award and seeing that made me go ‘!!!!!’.

I’m really, really picky with everything in life. Just like generally. I’m picky with what I wear, with who I talk to, with the movies I watch. I’m not picky with food tho. Don’t ever ask me where I want to eat because I don’t know!!! I DON’T KNOW!!!!! I AM A FAT GANNET I’LL EAT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

I am also picky with the things that I read; if I don’t like the writing style or the content is too uniform and boring, I’ll just never visit that blog again. Soz. So listen to me when I tell you to check out Abbie’s blog: I love her writing style and really look forward to reading what she posts next. I’m probably gonna have a go at those body scrubs cos ain’t nobody got time to throw £500 at Lush.

I never knew about the ‘blogger community’ until Twitter, and I’ve learnt that this is one that involves support and positivity. It’s so much nicer than catty, bitchy competitiveness that you see everywhere (amongst girls, really). Hopefully more guys get into blogging; it’s cooler than you think. Everyone is cool. Nobody tears anybody down. And that’s exactly what this award about. I suppose I’m a ‘versatile’ blogger in that I’m a dumb idiot who doesn’t have a theme and instead vomits out all the shit that lies in my head. Oops.

Anyway. So I gotta give you seven facts about myself. This is “let’s go around the room and say something interesting about ourselves”, isn’t it? Alright.

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Wear my scars like the rings on a pimp [8 Important life lessons]

I haven’t watched the new episode of the Walking Dead yet, so if I see any spoilers I will punch you in the face.

Welcome to another shitpost.

With 2017 coming to an end, I started thinking about shit that I’ve learnt, things that I want to keep on board throughout the next year. Things that I think everybody should follow. Everyone has shitty days, some more than others, and I wonder how I genuinely still feel kind of okay even during those times – how anybody does. Honestly, it’s probably because I know who I am and I know what I want. Whatever shitty times befall you, it’ll pass, even if it takes hours, days or months. It’ll always pass.  Every now and then you’ll find yourself in a tiny moment that makes you feel like everything has the potential to be great. Even something as insignificant as hot IKEA guy.

Anytime I feel like shit, I think ‘What would Dwight do?’ And then I stop feeling like shit. Dwight would not feel like shit. Dwight doesn’t wallow in self pity. Be Dwight, always.

Anyway, I’m gonna stop rambling and tell you the most important things I’ve learnt. This time I’ve even made it a little more attractive and coherent by bolding the headings; learn to be more considerate towards others, got it x

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After all you’re not my type [Books I’ll never finish]

I get an influx of followers and then writers block decides to hit me bad! Amazing. But here I am, being the literary person I am and talking about books. Books that I hate. Books that I want to love. Books that I love but can’t finish. As my bookshelf grows, the percentage of unread books increases. And every now and then, my eye will catch a particular novel that I’ve tried, tried, and tried again to read, and just couldn’t. It haunts me.

Let’s talk about my bedroom for a sec. Oo er. I had books spilling out of my cupboard, falling off my desk, on the floor, in the corner, under the bed. Everywhere. Since then a lot of them have been moved to a sickasfrick bookshelf, which means I have more space for when I buy more books that I don’t intend to ever read!

I’ll show you my setup one day. It’s pretty weird for a blogger. No minimalism, no clean fresh look, no millennial pink. No candles, succulents, or quotes. Just a poster of Senna and a framed Patrick Bateman. That’s me. An improvement after a wall plastered with Kerrang and Metal Hammer pages, and various posters from HMV and Camden Market. But I digress. Again. Here are a bunch of books I’ve never been able to finish; please bear in mind that I am a Chuck Palahniuk girl through and through, so cut me some slack when I’m unable to finish a romance. Thanks, let’s begin x
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But that doesn’t make it any easier to get through [shitpost]

Hey.

Welcome to my night time, coffee-fuelled shit talking post. I haven’t done one of these in a while, but if you’re new to my blog, know that these are probably the most honest and raw posts I’ll ever write. That’s why they’re rare. Sometimes it’s in the form of poetry, other times, like now, it’s just word vomit. I don’t edit these. It’s the time where I’m wired but also tired, and when I’m listening to my night time songs.

Alright

One weird thing I’ve been called is ‘strong’. Strong because I can let things go, strong because I can stand by my beliefs, strong because I don’t fall for every guy that talks to me. I don’t know. I don’t know if I like being called strong, because there are certain expectations that come with that label. Am I allowed to cry? Am I allowed to fight for a guy who doesn’t give a shit? Am I allowed to have panic attacks? Am I allowed to be too nervous to walk into a crowded place sometimes?

Because I do all of those things too. And sometimes, that label gets in the way.

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