Controversial opinon: Religion [Shitpost]

Something this depraved is not a product of a loving god.

I’m gonna talk about religion; not just about my religion specifically, so I don’t want anybody in the comments asking me why I’m not condemning ISIS. That ain’t my job, bish. I’m talking about religion generally: the whole concept of God, of divine books, of the afterlife.

I am struggling with religion.

Haram police, look away, because I’m about to reveal something: sometimes I wish I was Atheist. The complete hecking truth is that sometimes I wish that I could believe in nothing. I wish I believed that once we die, we’re just left to rot in the ground and turn into fertiliser because that makes everything so much easier. But I can’t. I wish I could be left to my own devices and know that everything I’m doing is a product of my own decisions and who I’ve grown into, but I can’t. I know that I’m living based on a book, based on a religion that I so strongly believe in that I couldn’t escape if I wanted to. I so strongly believe in it, yet I don’t follow it completely. I hate feeling like I’m scared to die simply because of what happens afterwards. Death itself doesn’t bother me. I’d have probably killed myself a long time ago if it wasn’t a straight ticket to hell, so I guess I gotta thank religion for that.

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The Versatile Blogger Award

Yes, you read that right. All that time spent indoors and trying to create a semblance of an online presence. God loves ugly x

Sooooo I was nominated by Abbie (who is so hecking nice, follow her on everything right now) for the Versatile Blogger Award and seeing that made me go ‘!!!!!’.

I’m really, really picky with everything in life. Just like generally. I’m picky with what I wear, with who I talk to, with the movies I watch. I’m not picky with food tho. Don’t ever ask me where I want to eat because I don’t know!!! I DON’T KNOW!!!!! I AM A FAT GANNET I’LL EAT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!

I am also picky with the things that I read; if I don’t like the writing style or the content is too uniform and boring, I’ll just never visit that blog again. Soz. So listen to me when I tell you to check out Abbie’s blog: I love her writing style and really look forward to reading what she posts next. I’m probably gonna have a go at those body scrubs cos ain’t nobody got time to throw £500 at Lush.

I never knew about the ‘blogger community’ until Twitter, and I’ve learnt that this is one that involves support and positivity. It’s so much nicer than catty, bitchy competitiveness that you see everywhere (amongst girls, really). Hopefully more guys get into blogging; it’s cooler than you think. Everyone is cool. Nobody tears anybody down. And that’s exactly what this award about. I suppose I’m a ‘versatile’ blogger in that I’m a dumb idiot who doesn’t have a theme and instead vomits out all the shit that lies in my head. Oops.

Anyway. So I gotta give you seven facts about myself. This is “let’s go around the room and say something interesting about ourselves”, isn’t it? Alright.

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Eleven movies you need to watch before you die

Haha, Eleven, get it, because I still haven’t watched season 2 of Stranger Things.

Winter is upon us, (yes, Winter, because it’s getting really cold really fast) and it is thus time to break out the fat socks and double up your duvets. Yes, you can choose to stay in on a Friday night and not feel guilty about it. Yes, you can get out of bed at 12pm on Sunday and get back in at 8pm. Yes, it is time to eat a doner kebab and go straight to bed.

What can I do on a Friday night, k, if I’m not going out clubbing?‘ you ask? Well, friends, here is where I arrive in my usual grandiose style and hand you a list of the best movies ever made. I urge you to steadily make your way through these, savour every single minute, and finally present to me a 1,000 word essay on what you liked and didn’t like.

We don’t know when our last days are, so get cracking please x
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But that doesn’t make it any easier to get through [shitpost]

Hey.

Welcome to my night time, coffee-fuelled shit talking post. I haven’t done one of these in a while, but if you’re new to my blog, know that these are probably the most honest and raw posts I’ll ever write. That’s why they’re rare. Sometimes it’s in the form of poetry, other times, like now, it’s just word vomit. I don’t edit these. It’s the time where I’m wired but also tired, and when I’m listening to my night time songs.

Alright

One weird thing I’ve been called is ‘strong’. Strong because I can let things go, strong because I can stand by my beliefs, strong because I don’t fall for every guy that talks to me. I don’t know. I don’t know if I like being called strong, because there are certain expectations that come with that label. Am I allowed to cry? Am I allowed to fight for a guy who doesn’t give a shit? Am I allowed to have panic attacks? Am I allowed to be too nervous to walk into a crowded place sometimes?

Because I do all of those things too. And sometimes, that label gets in the way.

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8 reasons weed should be legalised

This is something I’m so! Very! Passionate! About. It’s not something I have on my CV under my interests, but I sure as goddamn hell don’t see the problem with including it. Before you make any assumptions, I’m not a stoner. I’m just also not an idiot.

For any potential employers, don’t read this and think I’m a giant drug lord whose life is a mess. Instead, think that I just have common sense and good morals; just because the government profits off your alcohol and cigarette addiction doesn’t mean they’re better than any other drug. It definitely doesn’t make you a saint. It definitely, definitely, doesn’t make you better than someone who writes a post advocating the decriminalisation of marijuana.

I think it’s absurd that ‘going out for drinks’ as part of a work do is normal, but going out to  ‘bun a zoot’ as part of that work do is frowned upon (and illegal). I think it’s even more absurd that you’re probably going to be outcast if you don’t participate in the social drinking! Like me. I also find it quite ironic how people call those who smoke weed occasionally ‘druggies’, but we don’t call the occasional drinker an ‘alcoholic’? Hmm…

The stigma is real. I understand that it really only comes from the fact that weed is illegal and thus demonised; suddenly it has created an atmosphere that links the drug to dodgy street deals and DEATH, DESTRUCTION AND PRISON. That isn’t the case though, is it? We know very well that nobody has died from smoking joints everyday (I’m looking at you, benson & hedges), and nobody has been violently intoxicated and beat somebody up (I’m looking at you, Vodka and beer). You know those people who get blackout drunk but then act disgusted at the thought of weed?????? Yea.

Anyway here are some reasons weed should definitely 100% be legalised.

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Taking off my hijab? [NOT clickbait]

 

I’m taking off my hijab.

 

I don’t know when, but it’s probably definitely happening and sometime very soon. I’m not going to make a big deal out of it, I’m just going to do it. And you’ll see me out with my scraggly hair and old highlights because I haven’t had a haircut in five years.

After I speak to my old Quran teacher tho.

I’m gonna make this clear though: I know the hijab is compulsory. And I am still very much Muslim.

I haven’t just decided that it isn’t compulsory anymore. I know it is. But I’m not ready, and for the past couple of years I’ve just been trying to convince myself that I made the right decision. And now I’m finally ready to admit that I’m not happy in it.

Get ready for a long read because apparently I have to EXPLAIN EVERY SINGLE PERSONAL LIFE CHANGING PERSONAL PERSONAL DECISION to everyone.

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We don’t ignite

‘Hmmm,’ she wonders, her fingers hovering over the trackpad of her brand new, photogenic rose gold Macbook. In front of her, to the right, are three pots of succulents, carefully placed next to a photo frame with nothing but the words ‘Carpe Diem’ in a curly font. She studies the mason jar on her left, filled halfway with a strawberry milkshake, carefully mixed to the exact shade of millennial pink, to complement the walls of her room, dotted with various edgy photographs in white frames.

She hesitates as she skims through the tabs open on safari.

‘5 favourite drugstore products’

‘Makeup Revolution: Naked dupe?’

‘Living with anxiety’

’10 Lipsticks every girl needs in her makeup bag’

‘What’s in my handbag?’

‘Screw it,’ she thinks out loud. Oozing with confidence and determination, she clicks on the tab that reads “Write new post”.

10 beauty hacks

She sighs out loud, relief and pride exiting her black-choker adorned throat.


Ahem. Sorry, that was a little rude.

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I’ll be me [Mental Health – Part 1]

Here’s a long post, read it if you have time. Like 5 minutes, realistically.

Also: If you can figure out what’s written on that notepad, I’ll dedicate a post to you.

So.

What am I doing these days.

Well.

First of all, I’m going to try my hardest not to incorporate my infamous self depreciating humour into this post, even though that is my biggest coping mechanism.

These days I’m reading, writing, researching, and listening to a lot of James Bay.

And I’m thinking.

I’m doing a lot of thinking, but I’m also doing a lot of …just … not thinking.

In other words: I’m keeping myself busy.

I try not to write about mental health, even though I should, because almost every blog I visit has posts about ‘dealing with depression’ or ‘dealing with anxiety’ or just ‘mental health’. And it makes me wonder how many of these people really do suffer from these issues, or if they’re just self diagnosed. As someone who has had doctors referring them to therapists and pestering them to take anti-depressants, it’s a bit … I don’t know. Annoying. It’s the reason I don’t enjoy speaking about my own mental health. I’m fine, but I’ll never deny that anxiety is my biggest enemy.

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To do and not to do – Ramadan

I’m salivating in my misery too.

Oh yeah, in said misery, I forgot to say it’s Ramadan…

I’ve noticed a few people have been reading this old Ramadan post that I wrote last year, so I should really come back with another one. The problem is, I don’t really have much to add to that post. So, er… Isn’t it weird and beautiful how the weather suddenly took a turn for the cooler/windier/rainier as soon as Ramadan began?

I do have some questions. Why are girls posting snaps of themselves half naked, and snaps from weeks ago from when they were in the club? Wherefore? I don’t know what guys are doing but I’m guessing taking videos of themselves driving in their car with music on? I say that because girls are doing it and guys are even more douchey.

I digress. I’m supposed to be trying to stay positive.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m very lethargic this year. I’m finding it difficult, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the acceptability of snacking at 1am. Once again, I’m losing muscle and fat in the wrong places.

Anyway enough about me, shut up, here are some dos and don’ts:

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Shoot a hole in the sky [June Journal – top priorities]

9/06/2017

Today’s prompt: Your top priorities

Today is a shit day. So God’s work is here, telling me that my next prompt means I have to focus on my priorities right now. I don’t have the will to write an interesting introduction either, so let’s get straight to it because life is shit, life is shit.

Physical health
I want to get my sleeping pattern back in check, I want to eat properly and I want to train even more and even harder than I used to. Once you’ve passed your teens it is vital to look after your health – you can’t keep staying up late snacking and drinking energy drinks. And once you’ve passed a certain age, your metabolism slows down dramatically and you get fat and lazy. Basically. So why wait for that age to begin (which is harder to do), when you can get the ball rolling years beforehand?

Financial stability
I’m graduating next month. These past two weeks were supposed to be used for writing cover letters and applying for jobs, but Ramadan has me so lethargic and unless you’re looking for a standard part-time job, you need to focus. I haven’t really decided what I’m doing yet. I had to quit my job and I’ve been a student without income for the past few months, which means for the first time ever I am worried about money and will be struggling for fucks fucking sake.  You have bills to pay and no way to pay them. But it was my own fault. Even though I’m in a shit place and I’m months behind, I guess now I have my degree behind me. On the one hand, I want to kickstart a career. But on the bigger hand I don’t want to kickstart a career. I kinda do want a part time job so that I can get some income to pay for my outgoings whilst I work on something I enjoy. A life in an office isn’t something I want. Continue reading