Hoping this’ll reach my soul [June Journal]


I literally just punched in ‘June blog post ideas’ because I’m lame and am pushing myself to be productive whilst forcing my dangerously-close-to-surfacing repressed thoughts to remain repressed, and here we are!

Today’s prompt: The books in your to-read list

Out of all the lists I ever make (and honestly I make more than I care to admit), this is probably my favourite. I am a book hoarder; I have shelves, tv stands, desks and floors full of books. I have books on the end of my bed, and I’m short enough for my feet not to reach them. I have read about 5% of the books I own, and this number decreases because I keep buying more and reading less – the main reason is because I tend to pick up a book and put it down halfway in order to pick up another. I rarely finish a book, even if I absolutely love it, so it’s gotta be special if I actually finish it.

But now that I’ve finished university I am going to FORCE myself to stick to my reading list and read the books cover to cover. I’m serious about this, so I’ve compiled a list that is actually achievable by the end of the year. No, this year I’m not even going to bother trying to read Lolita again (I will, but if I don’t write it down then I don’t feel guilty when I inevitably abandon it). Here we go.

The remaining Harry Potter books
And by that I mean…the next four or something. I like diversity in my reading habits, and you can’t possibly expect me to read all the Harry Potter books in a row when I have to constantly switch up my gum between two flavours. Continue reading

Review: Pro Supps Mr Hyde

Just a quick review to tell you that this shit GOT ME FUCKED UP. Fucked up. Unless you’re a 200lb powerlifter, just go.

You’ll find this devil here.

Okay it’s not that bad.

Let’s rewind a little. I usually use ON amino energy as my preworkout, and I have been for a few years now. It gives me clean energy, and it is honestly so nice that I use it as a pick me up and even drink it when I’m studying. It’s nice. Compared to Mr Hyde, it’s baby food. No, it’s water. Oh man.

I didn’t take a full serving of it – I literally just used the same (heaped) scoop that comes with amino energy and drank up. 20 minutes later, I felt a really nice buzz and I was ready to GO. I mean GO bitch, GO. I was so alert, buzzing around like a fly. Honestly, I felt like I had just taken cocaine and I just whizzed through my workout. I was so pumped I could rip a bitch’s head off.


An hour in and I started to feel sick AND energetic. Like it provided energy for my brain to spin even faster. Since I was alert, I was very aware of it. I had suddenly acquired tinnitus. An hour after that and I was finished. I started to feel unbelievably nauseous. Now I don’t know if it was the effect of so much caffeine (amino energy isn’t even really a pre-workout), or because my body was working harder than my brain thought it could, but it fucked me UP. I recommend it if you can handle the side effects. Let’s get a little in depth.

At first I was like yeah!!!!! But then I was like no!!!!!!!! It’s so sweet. This literally tastes like someone melted down a jolly rancher. In theory, it’s nice. But there’s nothing to cut through the sweetness and honestly didn’t help my nausea later on. I mean it’s not bad. It’s drinkable. I don’t really care for taste if it delivers. But nausea is a bitch.
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February favourites

Honestly, it’s strange how I can end up with ‘favourites’ seeing as I rarely ever switch up what I’m doing. I don’t like change. I usually just end up with a newfound love for something that was already in my life. Nevertheless, I’m here with a new post, because making lists calms me down in the midst of not writing my dissertation and trying to cut a 6000 word and counting section down to 2,500. Also, if my hands are too busy typing then there’s no room to be punching people in the throat, right?


1] Stranger Things
So I started watching this sometime in February.. and I finished the entire season by the next morning. I was home alone so nobody could stop me, don’t judge. I was so upset that I had to wait for the next season. I’m even more upset that I have to wait until HALLOWEEN for the next season. No show has ever blown me away like this has, I could watch it over and over again and not get bored. I initially decided to watch it because Winona, obv <3. But I LOVE the cast, those kids are everything. No shitty romantic subplot thrown in for no reason. Eleven is my spirit animal.

2] Welcome to the Desert of the Real 
Okay, this ones for my dissertation. Contemporary philosophy and cultural/political criticism is one of my favourite things ever to read or hear about, and this book was suggested to me by my supervisor. If you wanna read about ideology and how humans are stupid, pick it up. Zizek is the best philosopher/critic you will ever come across, I promise you this. Continue reading

10 Beauty friends

This post was bound to happen. I have a bunch of things that I love, things that I never go without and things that I despise. These are 10 things that I SWEAR BY. I guess my holy grail products.
Yes it’s unfair since you can’t actually see my face and decide whether you should listen to me or if I’m talking a crock of shit. Guess you’ll just have to trust my word, shut up, let’s go!!

Estee Lauder Double Wear
Let’s make one thing clear: this foundation will cover a crime scene. It is full, full, FULL coverage but not cakey at all [unless you slather it on, obviously]. It can make you look like you woke up with nice skin or it can make you look fully plastic. It is liquid gold (beige). I’m not ready to give it up yet, and I’m pretty sure that when this runs out and I buy a different brand because I get bored easily, I’m still going to buy another bottle. The problem is, this foundation lasts forever. I mean forever. I’ve had it forever and I still have over half a bottle left. WHY WON’T YOU RUN OUT DAMN IT.

Benefit Porefessional  
I don’t even know how. I don’t know what it does, and I don’t care. It LITERALLY blurs your pores. Literally. Pores on your nose? Pores on your cheeks? Pores anywhere else you might get pores? Trypophobia? Big black void where your heart should be? NOT ANYMORE! I know. It’s a miracle product.

They’re Real tinted lash primer
I adore this. I use it on it’s own and it actually lives up to the name ‘they’re real’, unlike the horrific mascara that I will discuss in another post. Used under a mascara I haven’t noticed that much difference to be honest, however used alone it makes you look like you have lash extensions. Or like you were just born with really nice eyelashes. Like a guy.
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IKEA replicates a Syrian home

We all know IKEA. I mean, we probably see a particular shade of yellow and blue and just know. We know that they showcase and sell products in a way that we know how we’ll actually use them, by arranging them in a way that appeals to our visual senses. Instead of us wondering where we can put that preposterous beanbag  that YES I REALLY DO NEED, MA, DON’T ASK QUESTIONS, they’ll show us how perfectly it’ll fit in the corner between the window and the desk, providing the perfect reading space.

We go to IKEA and if we’re [re: I’m] not drinking glass after glass of that glorious lingonberry sparkling water, aka nectar of the Swedish Gods [blasphemy, forgive me actual and only God], we’re pointing at the beautifully black and suave looking kitchen, complete with a cutlery decorated island/ACTUAL LIBRARY and a fake fruit bowl, shrieking “I WANT THAT. THAT’S GOING TO BE MY KITCHEN”. And then it’s the huge bedrooms with a super king-sized bed placed diagonally across a corner [Amazing? Why didn’t I think of that?], with fluffy grey rugs on wood flooring and a vanity mirror slap-bang in the centre and gah.

We’re so used to seeing homes in a condition that we’re familiar with, or a condition that we long to be familiar with. Messy childrens rooms, decent sized bedrooms that look like a neater and better designed version of ours, something totally achievable. We can look at a room and say “lol, mine’s better”. Everything is mostly affordable. We see massive kitchens [like the aforementioned beautiful black room where probably the best steak in the world is made], and we see nothing that is surprising to us.

We don’t see anything that isn’t ‘normal’ to us, and in not being exposed to this in real life [read: not just behind a TV screen, far away from our grasp], it keeps us ignorant as to what may be ‘normal’ to everybody else.

IKEA is probably at the forefront of providing the most normalised setting – the home – to the average person. And it has set out to change this ignorance.

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What I’m Reading [July]

I’m hoping there are other people like me, because I am an idiot. Throughout my first two years of university I, once an avid bookworm and arguable favourite of the English literature department at school, began to loathe reading. I even subscribed to TWO analysis websites [yes, I paid for them] just so I wouldn’t have to actually read the books and do any work. And then I realised that we actually had to do work in preparation for class, so I just didn’t turn up. What a role model I am.

Anyway, I’ve always been a stubborn mule and the summer holidays are proof of this, because I’m now currently reading four different books. Or I was at the time of writing this.

It’s like this: tell me to do it and I won’t. I’ll do it if and when I want. The books that I’m currently reading are WILDLY different to each other, and I like to do this so that I can move onto something different; when non-fiction gets too heavy I can move onto gothic to give me a drastically different setting, and then onto crime to bring me nicely back into the real world. Here’s what I’m reading.

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I got one foot on the platform

As I sigh longingly at the vibrant blue line above their heads, though squinting through my terrible eyesight and relying on memory to picture what the words scattered around it actually say, I am screaming inside the abyss that is my mind. Ever since I was a child,  the name has haunted me. From the first time I saw it, the name has followed me over a decade later as I scratch at the walls by my brain, trying to figure out what it means. Like a distant planet, a world completely different to mine. Something untouched, unseen by my own eyes. Something I was desperate to know about, a magical far away land.

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Stop for a minute and be by your side [LONDON Part 1 – Saatchi]

Okay, this is a post that is a week long gone. I spent a long time wondering how to write about this because all I want to do is sit at my laptop and do what I do best: blurt it out. No planning for this one, I’ll just let my joy provide the energy for my fingers.


So for someone who basically lives on the doorstep of central London, I don’t take advantage of that at all. If I’m honest, I’m really lazy and London is so much effort. In other words, London is great, but the tubes are effort and there’s no way you could get a fraction of things done in a day. Despite that, however, there were (and there still are) so many places I wanted to see, things I know I’d appreciate more at my age now, people (person) I wanted to go with, and so I did a teeny tiny bit of that that last week. Excuse the pictures, I’m not a photographer and, as much as I love snapping everything, I’m first and fore-mostly focused on being in a moment before capturing it. BUT, my lov to the rescue as he insisted I have some pictures for the blog, even taking many for me, and for that I’m thankful because now I can try to shorten my ramblings as much as possible… go best friend, that’s my best friend!

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